50 Blog Posts Every Teacher Should Read

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I am proud to say that this blog has a place on a special list. 50 Blog Posts Every Teacher Should Read is a list produced by Michael Erins on his site Masters in Education.

The post, What can forgiveness do for you?, written July 31 2010, about Phoebe’s father’s wish to forgive the children involved in her suicide, was in response to the Phoebe Prince case, and in part, a post written earlier that day.

Thank you Mr. Erins for your dedication to teachers and for researching the 50 most important sites. I applaud your efforts.

As many of you know bullying is a crisis I care deeply about, despite my inability at this time to post as often as I would like.  I applaud efforts by educators to find new ways to deal with this age-old problem.

I mentioned awhile back I had spoken with my daughter’s principal about the lack of supervision on the playgrounds at her school. Two school days after that conversation the principal di send out an email to parents requesting volunteer supervision on the playground. It was a welcome email and when I returned to the school the following Friday there was a noticeable increase in parents choosing to attend lunch with their children. Recess seemed a little less chaotic and it is my opinion that adult presence simply reminds children of the rules even if the rules are unspoken. Kudos, to her principal!

Perhaps you can spend some time at recess with your children and help create a more visible adult presence. Children really enjoy it, and I am sure you will too.

Most bullying in schools occurs during unsupervised times like recess, class transitions, and bathroom breaks. Children cannot be watched every second of every day but if  more adults are present during recess perhaps the likelihood of bullying behavior will drop.

Isn’t it worth a try?

I hope you are having a wonderful week and I hope to have opportunity to write again soon. In the mean time please explore some of the helpful links I have provided on this site.

~Beth

What would you do?

Friends!

Bullying in kindergarten, and younger, is very real. I have written about the behaviors I saw in my daughter’s 4-K class, and how it prompted me to start this blog. I wish that I was able to write every day because I would be able to share with you the story of Jasmine, on how one child is affecting our lives .

I have written about her before, in my post, First Day of Kindergarten. She is a child in my daughter’s class and her behaviors have brought my daughter, and her friend Vanessa, to tears . The problem is how do we address it as parents?

At lunch, we (Vanessa’s mother and I) notice that the supervision in the cafeteria, and outside for recess, is limited.  Most researchers will say that bullying is at its worst when there is little supervision, and unfortunately this school appears to be no different. The school is currently spending an enormous amount of money on a program designed at improving interaction among peers, and teaching proper interpersonal relationships. The results are yet to be seen, of course, but I believe that if these behaviors begin at home, and if they are acceptable at home, (or childcare or wherever), they will continue to be part of the child’s actions. A few hours of day in school might not change anything.

We have spoken with the teacher who admits she has spoken to the child’s parent, and it is something she must continue to discuss all day with the girl. She seemed overwhelmed, and my concern is that this child is robbing others of their chance at a peaceful education.

Some complaints we hear from our daughters are “She won’t let me play with so and so, She kicked me off the team, She said Vanessa can’t play with me”. The last statement is the most disturbing as my daughter and Vanessa have been friends for years and do many things together outside of school. When we (Vanessa’s mother and I) visit the school we see this child dragging Vanessa around, ordering her to do things, and ultimately controlling her. As much as Vanessa’s mother and I are able, we try to encourage Vanessa, a relatively shy and soft-spoken child, to resist this Jasmine, but it seems futile. We have both spoken to this child (Jasmine) on several occasions, and like most bullies, she appears to be sweet and kind, and ultimately respectful to adults, and she certainly does not realize we are able to see through her façade.

Jasmine has invited both our girls to her birthday party, which happens to be tonight, and uninvited them many times as well. Vanessa’s mother and I are going to take our children and see how the interactions occur in front of Jasmine’s mother, and go ahead from there. Our two girls will have a sleep-over after the party.

Vanessa’s mother and I were so excited when we learned our daughter’s were in the same class, and now we are sad that their experience has been so horrible, because of one child and their actions.

No matter how many times we tell our girls, that they need not play with this child, that they should play with other people and ignore her, that they are strong and they do not deserve to be treated this way, they are simply overwhelmed by her.

We have debated whether they should go to the party (but decided we could see if she acted that way in front of her mother-potentially opening a door to unthreatening communication), we have toyed with the idea of inviting her to joining our Girl Scout Troop (so she can see appropriate interactions), we have spoken to the teacher, and will be addressing the lack of supervision on the playground with the school.
What would you do?

Yesterday another mother heard, and saw me, as I talked with Jasmine about how sad she made me, and my daughter when she is unkind, and how I know she can be nicer to the girls.
The mother said that she liked how I did that, and wondered what was going on because her daughter was experiencing something similar in her class.

As I read the article in The New York Times today entitled 1 Ohio School, 4 Bullied Teens Dead at Own Hand I wonder why do we wait so long to act on these behaviors, and what MORE can we do about it? Shouldn’t we be focusing more on these younger children so these behaviors do not become permanent personality flaws?

The Bully- A new independent film

I have a second to post and I wanted to mention that in just a few days I will be receiving an advance copy of the new independent film by Derek Kimball and Matthew D. Konkel called The Bully. I am really excited to see this artistic look at a problem that is so prevalent, and seems to be more so each day.

While I have not been writing as regularly as I was, bullying is still a cause I care deeply about. Especially since it is so visible in my daughter’s class. It seems that there is a lot of aggression in a few of the children and relational aggression is most prevalent. At least as far as I can see. Children are not very kind and each day my daughter comes home with a different story about who wont play with whom and what is being said. I could just assume that it is a child’s perception, but I have in fact, witnessed it myself. Occasionally, I meet with her for lunch. I sit at her table, and I see the behavior that will someday lead to really overt bullying. It is distressing, and as soon as I figure out how to stop it, I will. But the sad fact of the matter is, all of the redirection in the world may be lost on children whose only modeling for appropriate behavior comes for tween television loaded with snippy comments and superior thinking.

At present her school uses a form of ‘bullying’ curriculum, and it seems as though it is something they talk about in class . I am watching to see how things progress and will keep posted as time allows.

In the mean time, I hope you will check out the website for the film The Bully, and as soon as I have opportunity to see it I will let you know!

First Day of Kindergarten

Lunch was packed; grapes, cheese sticks, homemade (from a box-but not pre-packaged) pudding,  pretzel nibblers, lovey note from Mommy. CHECK. Bookbag, water bottle, milk money. CHECK.

  She was not as nervous as I thought she would be, and neither was I. The rain held off. The walk to school with our friends, and neighbors, was delightful.  A beautiful day all around.

Then it happened. Not to my daughter, but to the lovely little girl she has become friends with; we all have become friends with.  Vanessa, (not her real name) got glasses over the summer. Beautiful purple, and sparkly glasses. They look as though they belong on her face.  Under the flagpole, waiting for school to start, Vanessa’s friend from pre-school approaches. Vanessa is visibly nervous. Maybe about school. Maybe about the glasses.

Jasmine: (Also,not her real name): “What happened to your eyes?”.  Vanessa hesitates.  I answer, “Aren’t her glasses pretty, she just got them over the summer?”  “Don’t they look nice on her?”

Jasmine: “UGH“,  with a frightened, disgusted look, hides behind her mother. Seconds later, she returns, “Why don’t you take them off? Why are you wearing them?”

At this point I am not sure what to do, Vanessa is clearly distraught, and I know from her mother she is not happy about having to wear the glasses. I step back, leaving the girls to themselves, I tell Vanessa’s mother about the incident as she talks to another mother.  

I am heartbroken for Vanessa. I can’t imagine how it has made her feel, especially since she is so visibly shaken by the overall experience of attending her first day of school, the glasses may have been the icing on the cake.

Luckily, Vanessa is resilient and strong, smart and determined, she will be alright, no doubt.

I was wondering, what would you do in that situation? How would you address it? Do you let the girls feel the situation out? Do you help Jasmine understand, even if she is not your child? 

I quickly reminded Vanessa how fantastic she looked, as we all have been, since she got the glasses. Did it sink in? Does her fear prevent any compliments from sinking in?

 I do think that it is acceptable for Jasmine to be curious, but it is important for the behavior to be addressed somehow. If not, and it is brushed off as “normal”, behaviors like this are bound to continue and insensitivity can easily be come something much more harmful. At least in my opinion.  What do you think?

Kindergarten Open House

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It is scary meeting new teachers, seeing the school, and learning where everything is. Scary, not only, for my very brave almost six-year-old but scary for me. She seems to have it well in hand, even if she is a little shy about it. And not actually shy, she is more a watcher. She watches to see where everything goes, how everyone interacts, and what is required of her, before she jumps in. Understandable.  

Nope ,she is not the one who is nervous, really. It is me. I am a little scared of the other parents. Maybe, it is because I have read Queen Bee Moms and King Pin Dads, Rosalind Wiseman. Maybe, I am nervous because of what I went through in kindergarten, and I am nervous for her.  Maybe I am nervous because people really scare me. 

You wouldn’t guess it, and no one usually does, but people, pretty much terrify me. Mostly, because I know how mean and petty they are, passing judgements, sizing up clothes and appearance, determining a persons worth through their attire.  I never let on though, not at first. I talk to everyone, and I mean everyone. I have been accused of being overly social and overly friendly.  Maybe that is true. But the truth is, that I just really want to meet people, and enjoy their differences, even if I am terrified they will not respond in kind. Plus, the truth is I just don’t know how to act around people, and I get scared, and my mouth seems to go on hyper-drive. People probably hate it. It doesn’t mean I am any less genuine, it just means I don’t really know what to say, and all I want to do is know everyone!  

My daughter didn’t seem terrified. Her teacher is kind, and she already knows a lot of kids at the school, because of the wonderful community we live in, and her preschool experiences.  Kids kept saying “Hi” and waving, “good to see you”, so she didn’t seem worried. If she was she didn’t show it and she didn’t mention it when we talked about her impression of the new school.  

Instead, I was worried. Worried about how her experience will be, and worried about my experience with other parents.  Kindergarten Open House is stressful, I think.    

 Today we have a short conference with her teacher, to learn a little more about her time in class. She is excited and can’t wait for the first day. The conference is just prolonging her anticipation.  

For me, it means she gets two more days to be a little girl.  And I don’t have to worry about my experience as a parent for awhile.  

Wondering what to look for if your child is being bullied?

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I know I have not been posting as much as I normally do, and for that I apologize. The thing is I have really been enjoying the summer, and time with my kids (for the most part-one can always do without whining and tantrums).

School is starting soon, and I hope to be more proactive in my posts. I haven’t forgotten about the bullies, or even stopped thinking about ways to combat them.  I even feel a bit irresponsible, enjoying my time so much, when I know there are children out there who are afraid. Afraid of their peers, afraid that school is about to start, afraid that their summer vacation ending, means nine months of sadness, depression, fear and angst.

I feel like it is a good time to remind ourselves what it looks like when bullying affects our children, what should we as parents, grandparents, and family members look for?

The following information comes from a site that, I think, offers easy to understand information about bullying and education topics. A person can find a wealth of resources at Education.com by just typing a topic in the search box.

Warning Signs your child is being bullied, and what to do about it:

Warning signs:

 

Possible warning signs that a child is being bullied include:

• Comes home with torn, damaged, or missing pieces of clothing, books, or other belongings
• Has unexplained cuts, bruises, and scratches
• Has few, if any friends, with whom he or she spends time
• Seems afraid of going to school, walking to and from school, riding the school bus, or taking part in organized activities with peers (such as clubs)
• Takes a long, “illogical” route when walking to or from school
• Has lost interest in school work or suddenly begins to do poorly in school
• Appears sad, moody, teary, or depressed when he or she comes home
• Complains frequently of headaches, stomach-ache, or other physical ailments
• Has trouble sleeping or has frequent bad dreams
• Experiences a loss of appetite
• Appears anxious and suffers from low self-esteem

What to do if you suspect that your child is being bullied?

If your child shows any of these signs, this does not necessarily mean that he or she is being bullied, but it is a possibility worth exploring. What should you do? Talk with your child and talk with staff at school to learn more.

1. Talk with your child.

Tell your child that you are concerned and that you’d like to help. Here are some questions that can get the discussion going:

Some direct questions:

• “I’m worried about you. Are there any kids at school who may be picking on you or bullying you?”
• “Are there any kids at school who tease you in a mean way?”
• “Are there any kids at school who leave you out or exclude you on purpose?”

Some subtle questions:

• “Do you have any special friends at school this year? Who are they? Who do you hang out with?”
• “Who do you sit with at lunch and on the bus?”
• “Are there any kids at school who you really don’t like? Why don’t you like them? Do they ever pick on you or leave you out of things?”

The article is available here, goes on to discuss how a parent can speak to educators at their child’s school.

Bullying is not just kids being kids, it is a serious problem, and if it were adults committing the same acts we would not hesitate to call it harassment or abuse. Why do we expect our children to behave like criminals, and allow it?

Kindergarten Preparation

Do you have a child entering Kindergarten in a few weeks? I do. As I compile all the necessary accoutrements for learning, I wonder about all the things she will learn this year.  Surely she will learn to read better, maybe do some math, a bit of science, perhaps.  I would like to say I am spending many moments waxing poetic about her experience; instead  I worry. Worry, she will lose some innocence. Worry, she will learn the “real world’ ways, and it will scar her sensitive heart. Just as it did mine.

When I entered school, I had no idea people, or kids, were unkind to each other. At least, I don’t recall that I did.  I had never been in day care, never around a lot of  kids.  I went to school, and I recall being terrified.  I had good reason to be, because it wasn’t long before my first bully, a girl, crushed my spirit. 

I seriously believed, and I guess I still do (so in that respect she failed) that people are supposed to be  kind.   At that point, I believed they actually were.  Boy, was I wrong. I was wrong, and it hurt. It was confusing.

I know that my daughter is not so naïve. We placed her in pre-school just so she would be around other kids. Just so she would be social.  She lost that innocence early, because she has already had a bully. A boy, from 2 years ago, whom she refers to occasionally with frustration and irritation. A boy she used to be afraid of, who has now taken the place of a fact of life- some people are just not nice, some people have their own problems, some people might not have a good home life.

I know she has already had that lesson. I worry it will be worse. I worry she will come home insisting she needs this thing or that thing, because all the girls do. (Knowing what that really means) I worry she will awaken with mysterious illnesses that suddenly disappear after 9am .

We talk about confidence. We talk about how she should not measure her self-worth based on others. We talk about her ability to overcome. We challenge her and hope she knows how strong she really is. We listen, and we try to do all the ‘right’ things.  We talk about these things, but still I worry.  After all, I have written about young children attempting and succeeding suicide. I know how horrible it can be.

Do you worry about your Kindergartener facing bullies? Are you more worried about other things? What do you worry about most? How do you prepare your child for their Kindergarten experience?