50 Blog Posts Every Teacher Should Read

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I am proud to say that this blog has a place on a special list. 50 Blog Posts Every Teacher Should Read is a list produced by Michael Erins on his site Masters in Education.

The post, What can forgiveness do for you?, written July 31 2010, about Phoebe’s father’s wish to forgive the children involved in her suicide, was in response to the Phoebe Prince case, and in part, a post written earlier that day.

Thank you Mr. Erins for your dedication to teachers and for researching the 50 most important sites. I applaud your efforts.

As many of you know bullying is a crisis I care deeply about, despite my inability at this time to post as often as I would like.  I applaud efforts by educators to find new ways to deal with this age-old problem.

I mentioned awhile back I had spoken with my daughter’s principal about the lack of supervision on the playgrounds at her school. Two school days after that conversation the principal di send out an email to parents requesting volunteer supervision on the playground. It was a welcome email and when I returned to the school the following Friday there was a noticeable increase in parents choosing to attend lunch with their children. Recess seemed a little less chaotic and it is my opinion that adult presence simply reminds children of the rules even if the rules are unspoken. Kudos, to her principal!

Perhaps you can spend some time at recess with your children and help create a more visible adult presence. Children really enjoy it, and I am sure you will too.

Most bullying in schools occurs during unsupervised times like recess, class transitions, and bathroom breaks. Children cannot be watched every second of every day but if  more adults are present during recess perhaps the likelihood of bullying behavior will drop.

Isn’t it worth a try?

I hope you are having a wonderful week and I hope to have opportunity to write again soon. In the mean time please explore some of the helpful links I have provided on this site.

~Beth

Lunch Time

Sitting down for lunch at my daughter‘s school in a cafeteria with hundreds of children and a table full of kindergarten children is always interesting. The noise level is deafening, and entertainment is never missing.

Kindergarteners, especially,  are always seeking out attention and love to have adults eat with them. Each time I go the children tell me stories and are genuinely happy to see me. Walking the halls after lunch or recess I am continuously approached by children. Many are neighbors, but some are children I have met during the course of eating with my daughter. They stop me after school when I pick her up and tell me about their days.

It is a truly enjoyable experience.  I recommend trying it some time. Ask if you can eat lunch with your child, and I promise your child will be so happy, it will be worth the possible need for a hearing check after lunch.

Yesterday, I went to eat lunch with my daughter and two of my friends (they’re my neighbors too) were there. It was a great time and  wonderful  to see our community extends inside the school, and as children get to know us, it grows. What a wonderful feeling to know these children are happy to see you!

After lunch, my friend and I asked if we could have an appointment with the principal. We had concerns because only one, (really amazing and super efficient but really overworked) woman supervises the lunch recess for about eighty children (give or take) (with an occasional helper).

When my daughter comes home from school complaining about things it is usually recess that is the issue. Most if us know that bullying and other problems occur when there is limited supervision, namely recess or in the halls.  I have been to lunch several times and have seen several problems, yesterday was no different. As super-woman was busy, two boys sat atop their class mate pummeling him. I walked over there and they started to scatter. It turns out the dispute was over Silly Bands (have you seen these things?). When asked if they could have made better choices, the attacker and his side-kick started to cry and plead the injustice of theft.

I had seen enough. I had planned on talking to the Principal about the superwoman’s inability to be everywhere at once, even though she really does an amazing job. I wanted to explain to him how I feel bullying behaviors begin in Kindergarten, and before, and many of these children have never really had opportunity to be social, and to leave them with so little supervision (reinforcing behaviors that are naturally aggressive) is a recipe for disaster. I understand budget problems, but this was ridiculous.

Fortunately, the principal has a very open policy and saw us right away and agreed something could be done, but there is no funding. I suggested, since my friend and I are usually there one day a week, isn’t is possible there are some parents who do not know they can have lunch with their kids or might volunteer a lunch period to hang out for recess.

He agreed and said that an email would be forthcoming. In the mean time I will be going for lunch once a week anyway, having fun with my daughter, meeting her classmates, and loving that I get to be a part of her life in this way.

Bullying from a Child’s Perspective

My niece is staying with us and I decided to ask the kids some questions. The following answers are from an 8-year-old girl, and a 5-year-old girl. 

What does a bully look like?

A human, they could have nice clothes on. They could be tall or short. They could be skinny or fat. They could wear earrings or not, and be a girl or a boy. They might not have a family. They could have dark color skin or light.

Why do you think a bully bullies?

They see other kids bullying and they think it is okay. They might not have a good home life or family. They might be poor. Their family might be mean to them. They might not know how to count to 100. They might be hurting and they pick on you instead.

What should you do if a bully bullies you?

Say stop, Walk away, Tell the teacher.Tell your parents.

How does bullying make you feel?

Sad, angry.

Think about when you were bullied, what was it like?

He was hitting me, and kicking me. Someone said they didn’t like my name. I was at school, I was at camp.

How would you stop a bully if you saw someone else getting bullied?

I would ask them to be my friend and tell them to stop.

After our dialogue, I realized that most kids know what they are ‘supposed’ to do when bullied. They know the script. Tell a teacher, say stop, walk away, and ask the child to be friends, are all standard responses to the bullying situation. These two children, in my experience are not unique. I have asked many kids in our neighborhood the same questions, only to get similar answers.

Why is there still such a problem? After all, if all children know what to do, then why is there still bullying? Shouldn’t bullying be eradicated if everyone knows the right response?

The truth is there is no right response and it a massive task we face, especially if we all know the ‘right’ answer. Perhaps it is time we consider a different response.

Personally, I think that we set aside the traditional response, and work toward a community building answer instead. Certainly, children should work to increase self-esteem and confidence, but could we not work harder to offer an accepting community, and world, where diversity is the norm instead of the opposite.

If we live in communities, and a world, where we make fun of diversity, where we fear diversity and difference, where our media choices all say that different is bad, we will continue to teach our children to treat their peers poorly.

Of course, we could just keep travelling the same road, expecting a different destination, and remaining afraid of the road less travelled. 

We could but, to me, the scenery is redundant, and the experience is repetitive.

Focus on Forgiveness

Imagine this. Your child is playing nicely by himself. Sitting in the sandbox, digging a hole, filling it and digging  it again.  Suddenly, a neighborhood boy,  you have had problems with him in the past, comes over and shoves your child, stealing the shovel.  Screaming, your child looks to you for help.

Immediately you are angry. After all, your child was sitting there minding his own business. Where is his mother? You see her. She is sitting there talking with another mother, and never saw the incident. She is always talking. Never paying attention. How can she not see her son’s aggression? 

Seeing her,  makes you more furious.

What could you do with this situation?

You could

a) Go over to your child and comfort him, say that child is just a bully, don’t pay them any attention.

b) Go over to both children and say that wasn’t very nice. Suggest that your child offer the other boy the extra shovel and perhaps they can play together.

c) Storm over to the other mother and tell her how tired you are of watching her child bully others and all she does is sit and talk.

d) Go over to the other mother, introduce yourself, say you have seen her around and your sons are in the middle of a squabble, could she help?

e) Go over to the other mother, tell her she is a moron, you are tired of watching her child rule the playground.  She is a horrible mother and when is she going to wake up to the fact that her 3 (or 4 or 5 or 6 yr old, etc. ) is a bully.

f) You could go over to your child and tell him the next time that bully takes his shovel, he should shove him back. That ought to teach him, and your child would learn to stand up for himself.

g) You could sit down with both children and talk to them, be an example and offer both of them suggestions on how they could have handled it differently. The mother may or may not see you and may introduce herself. She may explain she is sorry there was a problem but she tries to let her son learn things through trial and error, she likes to let him explore, and she is glad your son told him that he didn’t like the behavior.   You realize you both have different parenting ideas, part of you wishes you could be a little less stressed like her, but part of you is angry she doesn’t parent (as you see it).

h) You could go over to your child, remove him from the situation, and say that the other child is just mean and that ultimately they will get their own punishment for being mean.

i) You could remove your child, take him home and show him a book or a video like the one that follows that explains retribution, and divine retaliation. 

This morning on YouTube I saw this video and it made me think about the culture we live in. What are we teaching our children? While I understand the ‘moral’ of the video is that mean children will get what is coming to them, so don’t be mean, I wonder what else it is really saying.

Why don’t you watch and tell me what you think? What option would you choose? What would come of the option you choose? What can we as parents, and bystanders do to create positive relationships with our children, their peers, and their parents? Can we be part of a better example?

What is the most important lesson your child will learn this school year?

My daughter will enter Kindergarten this year.  As I gear up for the dreaded school clothes shopping ( I know some people like shopping but I am not one of them) I think about what she might learn this year. Will she learn how to read better? Will she start chapter books? How much math is part of the curriculum?

All of these things are important but she could learn other things too. She could learn how to pick on the new kid. She could learn what it feels like to be excluded. She could learn how to call names, and exclude others. She could learn that differences are to be feared. 

All of these things are topics we discuss at home but peers are pretty powerful things in a child’s life.  A parent can spend hours, days, and a lifetime teaching and telling a child how they want them to live; but faced with being picked on or excluded themselves they may choose differently than we would like.

How do we counteract the pressure and examples others set for our child? 

Telling a child to treat their peers with respect means little if we do not do the same. If we choose media and entertainment that offers examples of catty, disrespectful behavior, that example is likely more powerful than the words we share.

Another important way to make sure your young child treats peers with respect is to invite other children to activities in your home, or a park, or a public place of your choosing.

1.Be sure to invite all the children in your child’s class.

2.Try to make sure it is an activity that all parents can afford.

3. Invite the parents, and develop relationships with them.

4. Take time to develop an activities network and take turns with other parents. 

5.  ALWAYS  Treat all parents with respect and do not speak ill of them when not in their presence (especially in front of your children or others).

6.  Be Proactive! Create a community for your child and their peers, include parents, and develop relationship.

I know that many parents work odd hours, different shifts, many are shy, and many have financial challenges.  There are many activities that are inexpensive or free.

Some suggestions:

1.Sack races with pillow cases at a park.

2. Trips to Nursing Homes, or Elder Care Centers.

3. Trips to Animal Shelters.

4. Trips to the Fire Station, Police Station, A local Bakery.

5. Craft day in the park. (Make cards or projects for nursing homes)

6.  A toy drive for those less fortunate.

7. Roller skating, or biking in the park.

8. Garbage pick up in the park.

9.  Softball, Volleyball, Soccer, etc.

10. Sledding in the winter.

These activities can be planned with little effort. Email, phone or Facebook, all the parents in the class. Send a note home with the students. Give a date and time and allow those that are able to come to meet there.  Not all children and parents will come every time, and it may take a few times to get a response but people will want to share in the fun you are having.

Children love group activities and it is up to us to create community and appropriate examples for children.

Are there any other activities or ideas you could share?

How do you thank an entire community?

Awhile back I wrote an open thank you to my neighbors.
I wanted to thank them for everything they do for us. Not just the definable ways, like watching my kids when I run to the store, or giving me a few minutes when I feel overwhelmed, or sharing recipes, or meals, or group outings, or any number of the ways a person can physically count the benefits because, to me, they are so much more. I wanted to thank them for the ways they enrich our lives.

It is not only the neighbors that deserve a thank you. It is the property owners too. They have allowed us to tear up their land and plant a garden, they donated rain barrels, and have bought picnic tables for the Commons. Pretty generous, for a large corporation that owns many properties and no doubt worries about profit.

That is not all. We are planning a community party to celebrate our garden, summer, friendships, new neighbors, children, and anything else we can think of.  We asked the property owner if they would pitch and not really expecting they would.  To our surprise and delight, they agreed to help. Guess what they are supplying?  All of the hamburgers, all the hot dogs, all the chips, and soda, plates, and napkins even. All of it.  Do you believe it? Pretty amazing huh? All we are supplying is “passed dishes” and the “neighborhood” is renting a bounce house, a cotton candy machine, and a Balloon guy to entertain the kids.  The property owners are paying for much of the bill.

We contacted the paper to do a story about our community and how grateful we are to the property owners.

The thing is, how can one really measure the benefits? Is it really possible to measure the friendships developed here? Can you quantify the lessons being learned by our children?  Can you put a number on memories?  What about the other things being learned like how to garden, or how to get along with people vastly different from you, or how to be an example to others, or how to be more assertive, or how to listen better, or how to be a better friend, or how to live alone, or how to make pickles, or bread?

All of these things are happening here. Would they happen without the property owner’s generosity? Maybe, maybe not. It will be interesting to see if our community party, where everyone is invited, (plus  free food), will encourage other people to venture out and take a chance. 

Of course it is risky, people might know you a little more. They might, but to me, it seems like the benefits outweigh the risks tenfold. 

How well do you know your neighbors?

Are you ready for your kids to start school?

Today is July 22, 2010 (unless of course you pass the International Date Line.) School is a little over a month away for many places (unless of course you have a year round program or start earlier.) 

No matter what your situation, it is important to ask if, you, the parents, are ready for the upcoming challenges. Aside from books, tests, and homework, that are all important, there is interpersonal relations.

Getting along.  Seems simple enough. Just get along, right?  A lot of times we don’t tell them how to get along. If we do, the advice sounds something like this ” Sticks and stones”, “Just ignore it”, “walk away”, fight back”. Surely you have heard them all, perhaps even said them yourself.  The reality is, these responses have a tendency to produce unwanted attention from kids.

I am not sure what the research says, I am only sure about my experience, and that of many children I have spoken to. Antiquated responses do not work, they only serve to victimize someone further.

What does work? I’ll tell you what I tell my kids, and for the most part it seems to be working.

“I don’t like it when you do this, it makes me feel this,”  or “I am sorry you feel that way, it really hurts my feelings and ….”.

In the past we have encouraged children to run, ignore, or become aggressive. The belief is that bullies target weakness, and this is in part true.  We need to reconsider what we define as weakness. It is not weakness to stand face to face with a bully and say how we are feeling. Yes, we may open ourselves up for another potential attack, but when faced with the same confident response time after time, it is hard for a bully to continue, especially in front of witnesses.

I think it is also powerful to acknowledge the bullies pain. “I am sorry you are hurting, and your angry, I didn’t intend for that to happen, perhaps someday we could be friends?”.

I know it all seems so sweet and easy, but it is difficult to be mean to someone genuinely being nice to you. A person, empowered enough, to name their feelings, calmly state them, and encourage a response is not likely an easy target. Not only does the attacker begin to realize the ‘victims’ disinterest in participating in the abuse, a ‘victim’ ceases to be a victim by finding it within themselves to say “I will not tolerate you abuse, and I won’t stoop to your level”.

What do you think is the best response for children? What do you tell your children?

Teen Tattoer apologizes?

Travis Johnston, age 18, has admitted his part in the tattooing attack of a fourteen year old boy. Saying that he “feels bad” and he will accept the punishment or process, because he was a part of the incident, Travis told reporters at his home. His mother allowed cameras into her basement where the alleged attack occurred and apologized herself to the parents and teen. She suggested that Travis was trying to ‘fit in’ to a new crowd and maybe went along with his peers.

While that may be true, it is certainly no excuse, and does not constitute a traditional form of hazing. If he was pressured, and there is no response from the other boys involved thus far, Travis is an adult legally and as shown in the video here Alleged NH bully apologizes for tattoo incident, he seems fairly confident.  One might assume he could resist such pressure, especially since he is so forward with his attempt to reach out to the media.

I understand that for some, it could be easy to take the perspective of sympathy for this young man, but I caution people to look further at his demeanor, his maturity, and his obvious intelligence, and consider the boy with learning disabilities he allegedly assaulted.

It all begins with kindness…

In light of the controversial story in Canada mentioned here the past few days; I feel it is important to discuss kindness.

Author of Sarah O’Hara: Gift of the Fairy Wings,  Penny Holguin has a program that she shares with schools, and groups, as a speaker. Keeping the Bully at Bay: Kindness Rocks teaches young children how to see the opportunity to be kind, everywhere.

Here are some ways parents and educators can teach kindness in easy simple reproducible ways:
Some are simple things we may do every day, but encouraging children to help with them as a way of helping someone else fosters kindness.
For Families
1) Tell Mom and Dad why you love them (or a sibling).
2) Tell each other when you notice another family member being nice.
3) Put everyone’s name in a hat fo “you are special time” Pull the name and say something special about someone.
4) Help a sibling or parent clean their room or another room in the house.
5) Give your brother or sister the last cookie.
For Educators
1) Have children practice saying “after you”.
2) Have a small celebration for a new student.
3) Have children tell their peers what they like about them or why they appreciate them.
4) Make cards for nursing homes, retirement communities, prisons, hospitals, etc.
5) Draw “secret buddy” names and do something nice for someone. (This could also work for families.)
In the Community
1) Visit an animal shelter and bring treats for the staff and animals.
2) Help an elderly neighbor shovel snow, weed a garden, or carry groceries.
3) Visit retirement communities or children’s hospitals.
4) Give chocolate kisses to community workers like fire officers, police officers, librarians, mail carriers, and garbage collectors.
5) Ask neighbors and friends for donations for the food pantry
6) Plant an extra row of plants for the food pantry in your garden.

These are a few of my favorites and all are simple, inexpensive ways to share kindness. Kindness makes forgiving easier too, so if you are feeling angry toward someone consider doing something kind, if not for that person, for someone else. Continue doing kind acts and I promise it is impossible to stay angry for long, seeds of forgiveness grow within kindness and they will continue to grow, with a little effort.

Have a wonderful day and if you would like Penny Holguin to speak at your school or group function please email charmerspress@yahoo.com or call 303-997-9426. I think you will be pleased that you did.

I hope you have a wonderful day! ~Beth

(All the tips shared here are courtesy of Penny Holguin’s Teaching Perpetual Acts of Kindness)

Restorative Justice in a Preschool

When I began working in a juvenile corrections center in 1998, I believed the purpose of juvenile corrections was to allow “offenders” an opportunity to change their lives.  After working there a short time I realized there were a lot of problems with my belief.  Many of the children I saw would leave, only to return a short while later. It was heart breaking. The system serves two purposes, to hold the youth accountable for their actions, and protect society. “Rehabilitation”, it seemed, was an afterthought.

One of the programs that did seem to work was Restorative Justice, it focused on the entire picture. Allowing the community to ‘heal’ from the crime, and helping the “offender’ understand their actions, how they felt, and how they affected the community.

Recently, I received an article about how one person was facilitating restorative practices in a preschool and I think the program offers amazing potential.

Marie Isabelle-Pautz, was a master’s candidate when she wrote the article and a pre-school teacher.  She facilitated “circles” with the children to encourage, and foster group resolution to problems and choices.

The children responded favorably and many students began requesting their own circles for problems unseen by adults. Older students, not in involved in the program, began using circles as a means of resolution too.

The activity begins with students gathering in a “circle”. One student receives a “talking piece” and the rest of the group recognizes the students rights to speak and respectfully remains quiet. When there is an interruption the child holding the talking piece reminds the others to think about whose turn to speak it is.

Circles are not just used for conflict resolution, but as a regular means of sharing and communicating.  Isabelle-Pautz witnessed students spontaneously using the circles when adults were not present, and anxiously recruiting adults unfamiliar with the process at other times.

Overall the experience was a resounding success and you can read more about it in short article.

What a fantastic idea, and another I cannot wait to try! Children solving their own problems through community interaction, I love it!  I think this could be really beneficial in our home too!

I hope today is amazing for you!
~Beth