Tag Archives: Video

Focus on Forgiveness

Imagine this. Your child is playing nicely by himself. Sitting in the sandbox, digging a hole, filling it and digging  it again.  Suddenly, a neighborhood boy,  you have had problems with him in the past, comes over and shoves your child, stealing the shovel.  Screaming, your child looks to you for help.

Immediately you are angry. After all, your child was sitting there minding his own business. Where is his mother? You see her. She is sitting there talking with another mother, and never saw the incident. She is always talking. Never paying attention. How can she not see her son’s aggression? 

Seeing her,  makes you more furious.

What could you do with this situation?

You could

a) Go over to your child and comfort him, say that child is just a bully, don’t pay them any attention.

b) Go over to both children and say that wasn’t very nice. Suggest that your child offer the other boy the extra shovel and perhaps they can play together.

c) Storm over to the other mother and tell her how tired you are of watching her child bully others and all she does is sit and talk.

d) Go over to the other mother, introduce yourself, say you have seen her around and your sons are in the middle of a squabble, could she help?

e) Go over to the other mother, tell her she is a moron, you are tired of watching her child rule the playground.  She is a horrible mother and when is she going to wake up to the fact that her 3 (or 4 or 5 or 6 yr old, etc. ) is a bully.

f) You could go over to your child and tell him the next time that bully takes his shovel, he should shove him back. That ought to teach him, and your child would learn to stand up for himself.

g) You could sit down with both children and talk to them, be an example and offer both of them suggestions on how they could have handled it differently. The mother may or may not see you and may introduce herself. She may explain she is sorry there was a problem but she tries to let her son learn things through trial and error, she likes to let him explore, and she is glad your son told him that he didn’t like the behavior.   You realize you both have different parenting ideas, part of you wishes you could be a little less stressed like her, but part of you is angry she doesn’t parent (as you see it).

h) You could go over to your child, remove him from the situation, and say that the other child is just mean and that ultimately they will get their own punishment for being mean.

i) You could remove your child, take him home and show him a book or a video like the one that follows that explains retribution, and divine retaliation. 

This morning on YouTube I saw this video and it made me think about the culture we live in. What are we teaching our children? While I understand the ‘moral’ of the video is that mean children will get what is coming to them, so don’t be mean, I wonder what else it is really saying.

Why don’t you watch and tell me what you think? What option would you choose? What would come of the option you choose? What can we as parents, and bystanders do to create positive relationships with our children, their peers, and their parents? Can we be part of a better example?

What do you think of Jessi Slaughter and her viral videos?

An eleven year old girl takes to YouTube, a virtual black abyss. She posts videos responding to what she calls “haters” who have called her names, and questioning her sexual innocence.

“Jessi Slaughter”  talks to Good Morning America about the situation.  Jessi describes her profane threatening videos, and her father explains his appearance in some of the videos.

 “Jessi’s” father threatens children, just as “Jessi’ does during the videos, and the response from the world is more threatening messages, mocking videos, and the family says they have received death threats.

“Jessi” claims Florida authorities sent her to a mental health facility for evaluation. She says she is not suicidal but she admits she couldn’t know what would happen when she posted the videos.

I am wondering what you think about the videos.  What about a father who threatens children to protect his own? What about responding to the bullies via the internet?

Of course I have my opinion, but I am hoping to hear from you first.

Would you videotape your kids fighting?

Periodically, I search YouTube for interesting things to share. Today, I came across a video that both appalled me, and warmed my heart. It isn’t very long , take the time to watch it and let me know what you think.

If you don’t have the time, the video shows two small children, presumably at some sort of family party. One child is the aggressor and actively strikes the other child in the video.  The appalling thing (to me)  is

A) that someone thought to video tape it and possibly enjoyed watching the child strike the peer and

B) that no adult steps in to stop the situation; especially since the children are very young

After watching the incident, and the assault for some time, another child steps in and addresses the aggressor, seemingly telling the child to stop. The boy then steps over to the victim and puts his arm around her to comfort her.

At least someone involved has the sense to act appropriately and tell the aggressor the behavior is unacceptable. Good thing it was a child.

Perhaps, my disgust is unwarranted, perhaps all children really know how to behave innately and we should just leave them to their own devices a little like Lord of  the Flies. (although that didn’t turn out very well did it?)

Sadly, this video is one of the more tame videos available on YouTube of children fighting. The following video has been likely filmed by an adult, edited, and accented with some lovely aggressive sounding hip-hop music with lyrics talking about fighting. Very charming indeed.    Oh, and at the end of the video a girl enters the fray originally started by two boys.  

Maybe I am out of touch, maybe I am old-fashioned but these videos, and the hundreds of similar videos that turn up based on a search with the terms kids fighting or little kids fighting, seem to be an excellent barometer of our society at present. When children fighting is entertainment is it really any wonder we have a problem with bullying that is as pervasive as it is?

Would you tape your child, or other children fighting?

Who teaches our children to bully and hate?

Answer: We do.

Don’t believe me? Watch as a seven-year old regurgitates his parent’s hatred for the camera.

Maybe you have never heard of the Westboro Baptist “Church” . I hesitate to even call them a church because in my personal definition, not to mention the dictionary definition, there is little the Westboro members do to deserve that moniker.

Members belong to what many, including myself, consider a hate group. Their actions have little to do with the forgiving, accepting message of Jesus. They have skewed that message into a brand of hate like no other. Their web address speaks volumes. Godhatesfags.com is where you will find their message of hatred and a list of upcoming funerals and places they intend to picket.

The next time we mutter disrespectfully under our breath, or complain about the neighbors, laugh at a fat person, or pick on someones clothes, I hope we’ll remember this video and realize that children are not born to hate. They aren’t even born able to disrespect. They learn it from us, and while the child in the video is an extreme example, he is an example.

Parenting is a teaching experience. Every day, every minute. We choose how our children will interact, based on how we interact. 

Smile at a stranger, help someone out, turn off the disrespectful television programs. Do it for your child, do it for yourself, do it for the future. We live in a world that is getting smaller, maybe we should just figure out how to get along.

Girl Bullying- What is relational agression?

In my previous post ,I discussed a study by researchers that shows very young girls are capable of bullying, or relational aggression. Bullying for girls is very different from boys.  It isn’t just a myth, or stereotype,  that boys and girls, men and women communicate differently.  

In this short video you will see Sue Fee, a licensed counselor, discuss the behaviors involved in relational aggression, or girl bullying. It is very informative, and can be directly applied to young girls.

The video is about three minutes and is very informative.

Video example of Kindergarten Bullies

ABC News did a story on bullying some time ago. I found this clip on YouTube. The entire clip, nine minutes long, shows how bullying can contribute to suicide.

Specifically the video details the story of Ryan Halligan, a sweet boy who was harassed by his peers, tricked by a girl, and actually encouraged to commit suicide by an online peer.  It is tragic and should be watched.

The beginning of the video was particularly interesting to me because it showed an experiment filmed on the old television show candid camera. Two girls and boy are seated at a table. The boy has an ice cream cone . The girls badger him, trying to get some of the cone, defeated eventually he gives up the entire cone. 

“Mean girls start in preschool” say Drs. Hart, Delson, and Robinson.  A study conducted by the Doctors at Brigham Young University determined that relational aggression, or “harming others through purposeful manipulation and damage to relationships”  began early. The Doctors speak about their study as the story leads into Ryan Halligan’s tragic tale.

According to the study ( See more here http://news.byu.edu/archive05-May-mean.aspx) some of the behaviors of relational aggression may be exhibited this way

  • Not allowing a specific child to play with the group
  • Demanding other children not play with a specific child
  • Threatening not to play with a child unless certain needs/demands are met.
  • Refusing to  listen to someone they are mad at (the aggressive children may even cover their ears)

The children are even capable of spreading rumors and lies.

My question is this, if there is evidence that young children are capable of being intentionally mean, why are we waiting until children are much older to really concentrate on the behaviors that lead to serious bullying?

I was discussing the potential for bullying with a teacher. A kindergarten teacher. She suggested that there were some girls in her class that were more ‘mature’ socially and thus were more able to pick on others or exclude them. Not suprisingly the behaviors I had asked her about were whether or not she had noticed children in her class excluding other students and not allowing them to be friends.  

I believe this shows that the girls in question were not actually more ‘mature’ (as mature is usually a quality that is cultivated and rewarded) but were exhibiting behaviors that need to be addressed rather than swept under the rug, or labeled as ‘kids being kids’. These behaviors, if not addressed early, will be damaging to the child exhibitng them and those around them. These behaviors, if reinforced through inattention, will likely become part of the child’s personality and habits.

Why wait?

According to Clyde Robinson, one author of the study and BYU professor of marriage, family and human development, 

“It is pertinent and somewhat disturbing to note that by the age of 4 a substantial number of children have apparently figured out from their environment that relational aggressive strategies can be used to their advantage and are rewarded with social status,”

Take the time,  and watch the video, nine minutes is not much considering how much time will be spent trying to change the unpleasant behaviors later on. If we recognized the unpleasant behaviors now, and realize that the responsibility to correct them does not belong to teachers, or parents, alone, we could make a difference.

Read more about Ryan Patrick Halligan here, http://www.ryanpatrickhalligan.org/ .

What is your ‘favorite’ bully movie?

Yesterday, I wrote about a mainstream bully movie. Movies with an overall theme of bullying seem to be pretty popular. Why?  What bullying movies have you seen?

Carrie, Stephen King’s horror film is an excellent example of bullying. To me, it perfectly epitomizes the feelings of anger and frustration a victim feels.  Not all victims wish they could go to the lengths that Carrie does, but sometimes, that anger is present.

I started to watch Carrie  again last night after I posted.  I hadn’t seen it in years, and the first 5 minutes shows an incredible example of bullying (minus the gratuitous nudity/shower scene of course).

Carrie, is shoved and slapped and blamed for the loss of a game in gym class.  She is then seen in the shower, and notices blood on her hands. Getting her period should be a simple act but to this girl, she has no idea what is happening and she panics.  She begs the other girls for help.  They begin laughing at her, forcing her naked body into the shower and throwing feminine products at her while chanting “plug it up”. This is an extreme example, no doubt, but things like this have happened. 

Another movie that comes to mind is Heathers. Christian Slater and Winona Ryder take being marginalized by the popular girls to an extreme, and gain we see an example of extreme school violence.

What movies have you seen that depict bullying? Do they glorify the revenge? Do they show a fair depiction of bullying behavior? Do they correctly show what it feels like to be a victim?

Let me know what you think, post a comment or just post the movie you have seen.

Ultimate Bully Movie?

I wasn’t going to post again, especially not after the long-winded one I just posted. (I have to work on that sorry, not a professional writer 🙂  thanks for reading anyway)

I was watching the Oscars. Well, they were on at least. They started to show a special set of clips as a tribute to horror movies, or something.

There it was. One of the scariest movies I have ever seen in my life. Perhaps it is because of the subject matter. Perhaps it was because I read the book.  Perhaps it was because it was popular when I used to babysit, and I used to watch it late at night on HBO, in the dark, by myself. 

Carrie. Stephen King’s novel on film. Sissie Spacek.

The poor girl, bullied to the point of no return.  Totally tragic and perhaps one of the very first examples of school violence in retaliation for bullying.  Fiction of course, no less scary, or relevant.

Terrifying, scary, painful, and telling. If you haven’t seen Carrie (1976),  you are missing out. 

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0074285/

British Anti-Bullying Video Pilot Program on Busses

A new program in north Wales has installed entertainment systems on busses in an effort reduce noise and vandalism. The program is called Zoom and has already shown “promising results’.

There are videos of concerts, nature programs and ‘age appropriate’ selections shown that engage the children with appropriate messages. The result is a safer ride. The children remain seated, noise is reduced for a driver who has little time to address behavior, and the children learn from the programs.

The article says a similar program is already being used in the USA but I am unfamiliar with it. Does anyone have any experience with it?

http://becausenooneasked.com/2010/03/01/stop-bullies-or-get-away-from-them/