Imagine this. Your child is playing nicely by himself. Sitting in the sandbox, digging a hole, filling it and digging it again. Suddenly, a neighborhood boy, you have had problems with him in the past, comes over and shoves your child, stealing the shovel. Screaming, your child looks to you for help.
Immediately you are angry. After all, your child was sitting there minding his own business. Where is his mother? You see her. She is sitting there talking with another mother, and never saw the incident. She is always talking. Never paying attention. How can she not see her son’s aggression?
Seeing her, makes you more furious.
What could you do with this situation?
You could
a) Go over to your child and comfort him, say that child is just a bully, don’t pay them any attention.
b) Go over to both children and say that wasn’t very nice. Suggest that your child offer the other boy the extra shovel and perhaps they can play together.
c) Storm over to the other mother and tell her how tired you are of watching her child bully others and all she does is sit and talk.
d) Go over to the other mother, introduce yourself, say you have seen her around and your sons are in the middle of a squabble, could she help?
e) Go over to the other mother, tell her she is a moron, you are tired of watching her child rule the playground. She is a horrible mother and when is she going to wake up to the fact that her 3 (or 4 or 5 or 6 yr old, etc. ) is a bully.
f) You could go over to your child and tell him the next time that bully takes his shovel, he should shove him back. That ought to teach him, and your child would learn to stand up for himself.
g) You could sit down with both children and talk to them, be an example and offer both of them suggestions on how they could have handled it differently. The mother may or may not see you and may introduce herself. She may explain she is sorry there was a problem but she tries to let her son learn things through trial and error, she likes to let him explore, and she is glad your son told him that he didn’t like the behavior. You realize you both have different parenting ideas, part of you wishes you could be a little less stressed like her, but part of you is angry she doesn’t parent (as you see it).
h) You could go over to your child, remove him from the situation, and say that the other child is just mean and that ultimately they will get their own punishment for being mean.
i) You could remove your child, take him home and show him a book or a video like the one that follows that explains retribution, and divine retaliation.
This morning on YouTube I saw this video and it made me think about the culture we live in. What are we teaching our children? While I understand the ‘moral’ of the video is that mean children will get what is coming to them, so don’t be mean, I wonder what else it is really saying.
Why don’t you watch and tell me what you think? What option would you choose? What would come of the option you choose? What can we as parents, and bystanders do to create positive relationships with our children, their peers, and their parents? Can we be part of a better example?
An eleven year old girl takes to YouTube, a virtual black abyss. She posts videos responding to what she calls “haters” who have called her names, and questioning her sexual innocence.
“Jessi Slaughter” talks to Good Morning America about the situation. Jessi describes her profane threatening videos, and her father explains his appearance in some of the videos.
“Jessi’s” father threatens children, just as “Jessi’ does during the videos, and the response from the world is more threatening messages, mocking videos, and the family says they have received death threats.
“Jessi” claims Florida authorities sent her to a mental health facility for evaluation. She says she is not suicidal but she admits she couldn’t know what would happen when she posted the videos.
I am wondering what you think about the videos. What about a father who threatens children to protect his own? What about responding to the bullies via the internet?
Of course I have my opinion, but I am hoping to hear from you first.
Periodically, I search YouTube for interesting things to share. Today, I came across a video that both appalled me, and warmed my heart. It isn’t very long , take the time to watch it and let me know what you think.
If you don’t have the time, the video shows two small children, presumably at some sort of family party. One child is the aggressor and actively strikes the other child in the video. The appalling thing (to me) is
A) that someone thought to video tape it and possibly enjoyed watching the child strike the peer and
B) that no adult steps in to stop the situation; especially since the children are very young
After watching the incident, and the assault for some time, another child steps in and addresses the aggressor, seemingly telling the child to stop. The boy then steps over to the victim and puts his arm around her to comfort her.
At least someone involved has the sense to act appropriately and tell the aggressor the behavior is unacceptable. Good thing it was a child.
Perhaps, my disgust is unwarranted, perhaps all children really know how to behave innately and we should just leave them to their own devices a little like Lord of the Flies. (although that didn’t turn out very well did it?)
Sadly, this video is one of the more tame videos available on YouTube of children fighting. The following video has been likely filmed by an adult, edited, and accented with some lovely aggressive sounding hip-hop music with lyrics talking about fighting. Very charming indeed. Oh, and at the end of the video a girl enters the fray originally started by two boys.
Maybe I am out of touch, maybe I am old-fashioned but these videos, and the hundreds of similar videos that turn up based on a search with the terms kids fighting or little kids fighting, seem to be an excellent barometer of our society at present. When children fighting is entertainment is it really any wonder we have a problem with bullying that is as pervasive as it is?
Would you tape your child, or other children fighting?
I have begun compiling a page with photos of the victims. Victims of bullying. Perhaps they have been beaten, perhaps they have been set on fire, perhaps they have committed suicide, but they are all victims.
I will add more pictures as I am able and each picture, when clicked, is a link to a page, or an article about the child.
We have an epidemic. Here, and around the world, children are suffering. We must change our cultures, we must raise awareness, we must do something.
Please take a minute to look at the Victims page. There is a link above, or you may click here.
In my previous post ,I discussed a study by researchers that shows very young girls are capable of bullying, or relational aggression. Bullying for girls is very different from boys. It isn’t just a myth, or stereotype, that boys and girls, men and women communicate differently.
In this short video you will see Sue Fee, a licensed counselor, discuss the behaviors involved in relational aggression, or girl bullying. It is very informative, and can be directly applied to young girls.
The video is about three minutes and is very informative.
Kindergarten Bullies 
Focus on Forgiveness
Imagine this. Your child is playing nicely by himself. Sitting in the sandbox, digging a hole, filling it and digging it again. Suddenly, a neighborhood boy, you have had problems with him in the past, comes over and shoves your child, stealing the shovel. Screaming, your child looks to you for help.
Immediately you are angry. After all, your child was sitting there minding his own business. Where is his mother? You see her. She is sitting there talking with another mother, and never saw the incident. She is always talking. Never paying attention. How can she not see her son’s aggression?
Seeing her, makes you more furious.
What could you do with this situation?
You could
a) Go over to your child and comfort him, say that child is just a bully, don’t pay them any attention.
b) Go over to both children and say that wasn’t very nice. Suggest that your child offer the other boy the extra shovel and perhaps they can play together.
c) Storm over to the other mother and tell her how tired you are of watching her child bully others and all she does is sit and talk.
d) Go over to the other mother, introduce yourself, say you have seen her around and your sons are in the middle of a squabble, could she help?
e) Go over to the other mother, tell her she is a moron, you are tired of watching her child rule the playground. She is a horrible mother and when is she going to wake up to the fact that her 3 (or 4 or 5 or 6 yr old, etc. ) is a bully.
f) You could go over to your child and tell him the next time that bully takes his shovel, he should shove him back. That ought to teach him, and your child would learn to stand up for himself.
g) You could sit down with both children and talk to them, be an example and offer both of them suggestions on how they could have handled it differently. The mother may or may not see you and may introduce herself. She may explain she is sorry there was a problem but she tries to let her son learn things through trial and error, she likes to let him explore, and she is glad your son told him that he didn’t like the behavior. You realize you both have different parenting ideas, part of you wishes you could be a little less stressed like her, but part of you is angry she doesn’t parent (as you see it).
h) You could go over to your child, remove him from the situation, and say that the other child is just mean and that ultimately they will get their own punishment for being mean.
i) You could remove your child, take him home and show him a book or a video like the one that follows that explains retribution, and divine retaliation.
This morning on YouTube I saw this video and it made me think about the culture we live in. What are we teaching our children? While I understand the ‘moral’ of the video is that mean children will get what is coming to them, so don’t be mean, I wonder what else it is really saying.
Why don’t you watch and tell me what you think? What option would you choose? What would come of the option you choose? What can we as parents, and bystanders do to create positive relationships with our children, their peers, and their parents? Can we be part of a better example?
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Posted in Adult Lessons in Change, Anti-Bullying, children, commentary, community, Culture, ideas, Parents, YouTube
Tagged Adults, Anti-Bullying, children, commentary, community, Culture, kids, Parents, Video