Be part of the Solution-You ARE the key.

We talk a lot about empowering kids. Making our kids stronger so that they can resist life’s challenges, including bullies.  We speak about and ask ‘how can I help my child’? 

The sad fact of the matter is, if you are asking, your child already has an advantage. What about those children who don’t have parents concerned about their experience? What if the parents are children themselves? What if they live in poverty and both parents work? What if there are no parents but a stream of foster parents?

In truth these are the children that are at risk and I am going to say that few school programs and laws will be able to protect them from the lonely feeling they experience, and the risk factors that make them a target for bullying.

What do we do? Well, I believe that those of us that care about our children, and how they navigate through childhood  are responsible for ALL children.

What do I mean?

 I mean it is up to us to raise socially responsible children who are confident in themselves, who are kind and empathetic to peers, and who set examples for them. I mean we plan on living in a society that these children will someday live in and why not focus on the process instead of complain about the outcome.

How do we do that?

We encourage our children to, not only, empower themselves, but others. Through kindness to everyone, and especially those who are in situations that are unpleasant, and who have few resources upon which to draw, children can act as resources their peers may not have. They might a family and encouragement that is not readily available.

So can you. As an adult you are able to interact with your children’s peers and classmates. You can invite all of them to group activities. If you are financially challenged there are free activities everywhere. Sometimes children just need an adult to be there. They need people who care about them.

It is up to us to create the families and communities that are beneficial to our child,  but our children are not the only children who are in need. Other children are part of society and some day will be adults who we all will interact with. If we have a stake in the outcome why not contribute to the process?

You are a valuable person. You have a lot to offer. Why not share it with everyone around you?

Be part of the solution.  You are the key.

What is the most important lesson your child will learn this school year?

My daughter will enter Kindergarten this year.  As I gear up for the dreaded school clothes shopping ( I know some people like shopping but I am not one of them) I think about what she might learn this year. Will she learn how to read better? Will she start chapter books? How much math is part of the curriculum?

All of these things are important but she could learn other things too. She could learn how to pick on the new kid. She could learn what it feels like to be excluded. She could learn how to call names, and exclude others. She could learn that differences are to be feared. 

All of these things are topics we discuss at home but peers are pretty powerful things in a child’s life.  A parent can spend hours, days, and a lifetime teaching and telling a child how they want them to live; but faced with being picked on or excluded themselves they may choose differently than we would like.

How do we counteract the pressure and examples others set for our child? 

Telling a child to treat their peers with respect means little if we do not do the same. If we choose media and entertainment that offers examples of catty, disrespectful behavior, that example is likely more powerful than the words we share.

Another important way to make sure your young child treats peers with respect is to invite other children to activities in your home, or a park, or a public place of your choosing.

1.Be sure to invite all the children in your child’s class.

2.Try to make sure it is an activity that all parents can afford.

3. Invite the parents, and develop relationships with them.

4. Take time to develop an activities network and take turns with other parents. 

5.  ALWAYS  Treat all parents with respect and do not speak ill of them when not in their presence (especially in front of your children or others).

6.  Be Proactive! Create a community for your child and their peers, include parents, and develop relationship.

I know that many parents work odd hours, different shifts, many are shy, and many have financial challenges.  There are many activities that are inexpensive or free.

Some suggestions:

1.Sack races with pillow cases at a park.

2. Trips to Nursing Homes, or Elder Care Centers.

3. Trips to Animal Shelters.

4. Trips to the Fire Station, Police Station, A local Bakery.

5. Craft day in the park. (Make cards or projects for nursing homes)

6.  A toy drive for those less fortunate.

7. Roller skating, or biking in the park.

8. Garbage pick up in the park.

9.  Softball, Volleyball, Soccer, etc.

10. Sledding in the winter.

These activities can be planned with little effort. Email, phone or Facebook, all the parents in the class. Send a note home with the students. Give a date and time and allow those that are able to come to meet there.  Not all children and parents will come every time, and it may take a few times to get a response but people will want to share in the fun you are having.

Children love group activities and it is up to us to create community and appropriate examples for children.

Are there any other activities or ideas you could share?

Would You Like to Have Generous Kids?

I know I would!

One of the best parts about writing this blog is getting to share some really excellent ideas and products with you. 

Meet Genna and Russ, The Generous Kids!

 I want you to meet Genna and Russ. Two little kids (baby goats that is) that have found out it how great kindness and generosity feels.  The Generous Kids, Inc is a play system designed to engage your child with music, reading, and two adorable stuffed baby goats named Genna and Russ.

We received the book, CD and plush animals today and our children were instantly engaged. They wanted to know all about them, and didn’t want to let them go. They even ate dinner with us. We spent some time listening to the six song CD, and immediately they wanted to hear it again. Our favorite is Special, a song about being special and different!

The book’s bright colors and catchy rhyme tell the story of Genna and Russ; twins who learn how fun it is to share, and care, and help, those around them. Your kids will want to hear the story again and again, and they will easily relate to the adorable plush animals, and the message they bring.  You will be able to say “Would Genna and Russ do it that way?” 

I invite you to check it out for yourself, at www.GennaRussKids.com.There you will be able to see the play set, hear a sample of the songs, and meet Genna and Russ for yourself.

Before they went to bed tonight my kids had to hear the story again. After we read it we had a great talk based on the discussion questions at the end.  We discussed how they could help someone tomorrow, who helped them today, and who did they help today. They thought of really wonderful ideas and I cannot wait to see what they do tomorrow! Their enthusiasm was completely contagious!

I hope that you check out Generous Kids, Inc. and when you do I would love hear about it!
I hope all of our kids will be Generous Kids!

Youth Mentoring to Resist Bullying?

Recently, Oakfield Middle School decided not to get a motivational speaker to discuss bullying in their school. Instead they chose to use students( and resources they already had) from their Leadership Class to mentor other students.

Selected students, members of the Leadership Class, led other students in trust building workshops designed to explain the dangers of peer aggression; while building a sense of community among students.
Leaders informed other students they would be available to help if there were concerns of bullying and let their peers know they did not want to have a tragedy, similar to a suicide, in their school.

Learning by example is most effective for children and what better examples than their peers. In my opinion this concept could be extremely effective. Not only are they allowing children to take leadership roles, those student are encouraging other students too.

Negative behavior is a pervasive problem in schools, imagine what could happen if there were positive expectations among peers. I would love to hear what the effects of the program are some time in the future. Perhaps this program could work with younger students.

It all begins with kindness…

In light of the controversial story in Canada mentioned here the past few days; I feel it is important to discuss kindness.

Author of Sarah O’Hara: Gift of the Fairy Wings,  Penny Holguin has a program that she shares with schools, and groups, as a speaker. Keeping the Bully at Bay: Kindness Rocks teaches young children how to see the opportunity to be kind, everywhere.

Here are some ways parents and educators can teach kindness in easy simple reproducible ways:
Some are simple things we may do every day, but encouraging children to help with them as a way of helping someone else fosters kindness.
For Families
1) Tell Mom and Dad why you love them (or a sibling).
2) Tell each other when you notice another family member being nice.
3) Put everyone’s name in a hat fo “you are special time” Pull the name and say something special about someone.
4) Help a sibling or parent clean their room or another room in the house.
5) Give your brother or sister the last cookie.
For Educators
1) Have children practice saying “after you”.
2) Have a small celebration for a new student.
3) Have children tell their peers what they like about them or why they appreciate them.
4) Make cards for nursing homes, retirement communities, prisons, hospitals, etc.
5) Draw “secret buddy” names and do something nice for someone. (This could also work for families.)
In the Community
1) Visit an animal shelter and bring treats for the staff and animals.
2) Help an elderly neighbor shovel snow, weed a garden, or carry groceries.
3) Visit retirement communities or children’s hospitals.
4) Give chocolate kisses to community workers like fire officers, police officers, librarians, mail carriers, and garbage collectors.
5) Ask neighbors and friends for donations for the food pantry
6) Plant an extra row of plants for the food pantry in your garden.

These are a few of my favorites and all are simple, inexpensive ways to share kindness. Kindness makes forgiving easier too, so if you are feeling angry toward someone consider doing something kind, if not for that person, for someone else. Continue doing kind acts and I promise it is impossible to stay angry for long, seeds of forgiveness grow within kindness and they will continue to grow, with a little effort.

Have a wonderful day and if you would like Penny Holguin to speak at your school or group function please email charmerspress@yahoo.com or call 303-997-9426. I think you will be pleased that you did.

I hope you have a wonderful day! ~Beth

(All the tips shared here are courtesy of Penny Holguin’s Teaching Perpetual Acts of Kindness)

Is bullying a problem in your child’s school?

Good morning everyone! I hope that the first day of May finds you happy and well.

I am curious to find out what people think about bullying their children’s school. Or if you are a teacher, is there a problem at your school.

Some people believe that bullying is something all children must go through. Kids must learn to get past it and it builds character, I have heard people say. Others say that bullying is a huge problem that does not receive enough attention.

What do you say ? Is bullying a problem where you live?

Thanks for sharing your thoughts! Have a wonderful day and happy May!

Restorative Justice in a Preschool

When I began working in a juvenile corrections center in 1998, I believed the purpose of juvenile corrections was to allow “offenders” an opportunity to change their lives.  After working there a short time I realized there were a lot of problems with my belief.  Many of the children I saw would leave, only to return a short while later. It was heart breaking. The system serves two purposes, to hold the youth accountable for their actions, and protect society. “Rehabilitation”, it seemed, was an afterthought.

One of the programs that did seem to work was Restorative Justice, it focused on the entire picture. Allowing the community to ‘heal’ from the crime, and helping the “offender’ understand their actions, how they felt, and how they affected the community.

Recently, I received an article about how one person was facilitating restorative practices in a preschool and I think the program offers amazing potential.

Marie Isabelle-Pautz, was a master’s candidate when she wrote the article and a pre-school teacher.  She facilitated “circles” with the children to encourage, and foster group resolution to problems and choices.

The children responded favorably and many students began requesting their own circles for problems unseen by adults. Older students, not in involved in the program, began using circles as a means of resolution too.

The activity begins with students gathering in a “circle”. One student receives a “talking piece” and the rest of the group recognizes the students rights to speak and respectfully remains quiet. When there is an interruption the child holding the talking piece reminds the others to think about whose turn to speak it is.

Circles are not just used for conflict resolution, but as a regular means of sharing and communicating.  Isabelle-Pautz witnessed students spontaneously using the circles when adults were not present, and anxiously recruiting adults unfamiliar with the process at other times.

Overall the experience was a resounding success and you can read more about it in short article.

What a fantastic idea, and another I cannot wait to try! Children solving their own problems through community interaction, I love it!  I think this could be really beneficial in our home too!

I hope today is amazing for you!
~Beth

Michael Pritchard: Lessons from the Heart | Edutopia

What happens when kids receive an opportunity to tell each other how bullying feels? Watch this amazing ten minute video of students talk about their feelings. It is one of the most moving, hopeful things I have ever seen. Children are given an open microphone to share with their peers and the outcome is astounding! Could something like this work in your school? 

Michael Pritchard: Lessons from the Heart | Edutopia.

Thanks to Sean M.Brooks for sharing this clip.

Priming Toddlers to be altruistic

When my kids start fighting, I automatically rush to separate them. I want them to learn to deal with their problems themselves, but I don’t want aggressiveness with each other. I used to say “How do you think it made your brother/sister feel, when you whacked them with that stick?” until a few days ago when I read the article for this post.

It turns out that I should not only be asking them how they feel when they whack their sibling, but that I might be able to show them pictures of kindness in action, and get a better response than the reluctant hug and apology I usually ask for.

According to an article available on Psychology Today toddlers are readily able to learn altruism, or kindness. The study described in the article had a researcher dropping sticks after the toddler viewed a series of pictures. The pictures showed images of figures standing close together, and apart. When the toddlers viewed the pictures with the figures closer together they were more likely to spontaneously help the researcher with the sticks.
The article references a similar adult study in 2003 that  primed adults with words like “friend” and “together”. The toddler study used only pictures.
The results imply that toddlers are not only more likely to aid a person unprompted, they little more than imagery, if prompted at all. If the researcher did not receive help immediately, she used phrases like “my sticks, they’ve fallen” after being unable to “reach’ them herself.
The toddlers were three times more likely to help spontaneously after viewing the pictures.

What does this mean? As I understand it, it means that toddlers are extremely capable of learning kindness when encouraged and ‘primed” with a little help.

If we were to focus our efforts, financial, educational, and parental, imagine what we could do. Extensive efforts at promoting kindness, generosity, and altruism, might just produce a kinder generation capable of tolerance and acceptance.

Smile a stranger today, and say hello, you’ll be surprised how easy it is!
~Beth

Mix-it-up Day teaches empathy!

A middle school in Wisconsin, made April 20th a special day to teach empathy. A special assembly, with videos, music and a skit, helped show empathy and what it means. Students created the video and skits  for their peers and focused on “Walking in another’s shoes”.

Following the assembly was a special event in the cafeteria. Students received different colored Jolly Rancher candies at lunch and then sat at color coded tables at lunch, to encourage students to sit with those they might not normally sit with.

Later in the week, a food drive was held with each grade encouraged to bring different items.

What a great way to promote meeting new people, making new friends, and providing for those in need. Excellent work Columbus Middle School! You are a great example.

If there are other schools doing similar projects we would love to hear from you! Email at kindergartenbully@att.net or leave a comment here!

I hope you are having a great day! 

~Beth