Political Provocation?

 

Controversial Map from Sarah Palin‘s Facebook page

Many people are claiming that the responsibility for Saturday’s horrific mass shooting in Tucson Arizona belongs with Sarah Palin and her camp for placing a map on Facebook page last year designating Democrats who had voted for the controversial health care bill with a symbol eerily similar to the crosshairs of a gun.  Some people think that Jesse Kelly’s pre-election event where he encouraged people to come shoot an M16 with him to raise funds to ‘remove Gabrielle Giffords from office”.

I suspect that at this point both people involved are regretting those situations. I belive that the actions of Sarah Palin and Jessie Kelly were, at the very least,  irresponsible and a poor example of how we should be treating each other.

As is the case with most tragedies, journalists immediately jumped on the chance to blame someone.  Name calling and attempts at isolating and ostracizing those on the opposite side were almost immediate.  Bickering and public shaming  continue days later, even as the victim’s funerals begin.

In reality, both sides have made some pretty poor choices. It turns out that at one point Democrats have used a map with archery targets marking areas that Democrats could win.
Apparently, President Obama has quoted The Untouchables, stating, “If they bring a knife to the fight, we bring a gun.”

It seems that words and actions can cause an awful lot of regret. We often say things we don’t mean and we certainly don’t expect for things like Saturday’s shooting to happen.  Does that mean that politicians are responsible for the alleged actions of Jared Loughner?

Certainly not. The young man seems to have exhibited many of the symptoms associated with schizophrenia and while he may not purse an insanity defense, he likely had some mental health issues.  He is the only one responsible for his actions. 

Politicians are not responsible, but their inability to seek common political ground is damaging our country, no matter how you look at it. Whether in their example as role models or the lack of compromising progress in Washington, politicians are damaging our country.

In my opinion, the scenario and political climate reeks of bullying and seems no different from a high school hallway or classroom. When we vote for these people we are just as culpable for the disharmony that exists in our country as they are.  The question is, what are we going to do about it?

Isolation

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Many of you already know that I am a former juvenile corrections officer. “Youth counselor” was my official term because the state where I worked wanted to soften the blow and image of children being in prison. Sadly, it was a prison. There was a razor wire fence and half way through my tenure there, an electric fence was added.  I can’t imagine calling it anything less than a prison.

I bring that up now because, like many of you, I am disturbed by the mass shooting in Tucson, AZ this weekend. My work in the prison allowed me to see differences in human behaviors  and become interested in possible “causes”. That incident, like many violent outbursts seen across the United States, and rarely, elsewhere have seem to have one thing in common. Each of the alleged assailants seem to live in isolation. Whether self-imposed, imagined, or socially isolated they all appear to be on the fringe. As they live on the fringe they seek acceptance wherever they can get it. Nowadays, that is likely the internet where similarly isolated people can join and share their ideas. Ideas,  that often are more and more radical, more and more isolatory in nature, more and more oppositional to what they see as they problems with the culture they may have been rejected from.

Why do I write about this here? On a blog for bullying, particularly as it exists in early childhood?

I write about here because I notice similarities in the victims of bullying and the eventual perpetrators to these crimes.  I am not making excuses for them, mind you. I just notice that both suffer from the same sort of isolation, and need to find acceptance. The difference is that  young children are not always able to seek out acceptance in the radical fringes of the internet. 

I bring it up because I feel it is even more important to be aware when our children are facing isolation, or perhaps encouraging it among their peers.  If conditions are right, isolation from the group can cause adverse reactions and can potentially exacerbate already stressful mental health conditions. 

Perhaps, we can reach out to people who may not fit within our little groups and as we do so we set an example for our children that everyone is deserving of acceptance. 

Perhaps, as we seek out people who may not fit our little molds or cliques we may find that someone needs us more than we know.

Perhaps, we will be rewarded in ways we can not imagine as that person brings a new perspective to our lives.

Perhaps, we can seek out help for those that need it around us. Perhaps, we can eliminate a tragedy now, or twenty years down the road, as we offer a safety net or encourage acceptance and healthy self-esteem among those in our community.

Perhaps, I am way off base but I see a lot of parallels between bullying and the isolation it causes and the isolation that seems to be present in most, if not all, of the shooters lives.  Perhaps.

My heart goes out to ALL involved in the shooting incident in Tucson, AZ. It is my sincere hope that all with be met with healing and peace.  I hope that those victims still in the hospital, and Gabrielle Giffords, continue to heal physically and will heal emotionally from this tragic, life changing event.

Increased Awareness for bullying or Increased copying

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During 2011 I am hoping to write more. I want to contribute to the dialogue that has started (finally) about bullying and how it affects students and communities.

One of the things I have been thinking about is, does the increased media awareness lend to solutions or does it obscure the real problem by sensationalizing the traumatic stories? Does it lead to an increase in copycat suicides? Does the increased media presence do more harm than good?

I am not sure of the answers and I do know one thing. The increased media awareness still does not direct attention to the fact that bullying begins in early childhood. I am concerned that the attention does little more than focus on those victims that have already lived past the point of tolerance. Children who have survived, and are either taking their lives, or they are old enough to speak out, are at this point the only ones being heard.

My focus has always been on bullying as it begins in early childhood and our response to children who are bullied or are showing the signs of becoming serial bullies.  We do not spend enough time and effort on assisting our children in learning appropriate interpersonal communication techniques at an early age and the result is adolescents who are unable to, or unwilling to, learn new skills.

What do you think the media awareness is doing for the cause of bullying? Has it made it a novel concern? Do you think there is a way to educate people without sensationalizing trauma?

I would love to hear your thoughts and I look forward to the New Year. I hope that you are blessed with love and peace in the New Year.

Being Thankful.

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For some people, Christmas is nearly here. Boxes, wrappings, and bows will clutter many homes, and are certain to clutter nearby landfills. (PLEASE recycle everything possible)
Families will get together and memories will be made.

In the United States there is a lot of time spent on the 25th of November ruminating about  things we are thankful for. For me, it seems like that being thankful should be a daily thing, no matter what religion you are or where you come from.  

I haven’t written in a long time because I was working hard in school. It was my last fall semester and I am very dedicated to my studies. I am thankful that I have a wonderful husband and children who allow and aid me in going to school by being tolerant of the hours and hours I spend on projects or studying. (Not to mention I have the most fantastic husband and children!)

Bad things can happen to anyone, at any time. We have no concept what tomorrow holds and life can change in the blink of an eye. It is important to tell the people that we care about how much we appreciate them, everyday.

Life gets busy and we get cranky and say things we don’t mean. Sometimes we don’t realize that our loved ones are going through a difficult spot. Maybe, they don’t want to worry us. Maybe, they don’t want to think about their problems. Maybe, they are too proud to share the pain they are feeling.

I write this thinking about all of those children who are on Christmas Holiday from school. Right now, their lives may be normal. Hopefully they have wonderful families and have a reprieve from studying and school work. Some children are grateful to have time away from school for other reasons. For some children, each day spent at school may be a torturous time, as they suffer abuse from their peers.

Please take this time with your families to be thankful. And if you have children off from school on break, take this time to be close and find out what their experience is. Find out if they miss their friends, or they are grateful to be away from school. Watch as the day they return to school gets closer, and watch for signs they are anxious about it.

This is a perfect time to assess your child’s well being, and a perfect time to reassure them they are loved.

In 2010 far too many children ended their lives thinking they were unloved, or they had no solutions to their problems. In the blink of an eye they were gone. If we all take this holiday time to appreciate those we love, maybe we will help someone through a rough time, maybe they will realize there are solutions, maybe they will realize that life is worth living.

Happy Holidays everyone. It doesn’t matter which one we celebrate, or if we celebrate any all.  Take this time to celebrate life and family.

What would you do?

Friends!

Bullying in kindergarten, and younger, is very real. I have written about the behaviors I saw in my daughter’s 4-K class, and how it prompted me to start this blog. I wish that I was able to write every day because I would be able to share with you the story of Jasmine, on how one child is affecting our lives .

I have written about her before, in my post, First Day of Kindergarten. She is a child in my daughter’s class and her behaviors have brought my daughter, and her friend Vanessa, to tears . The problem is how do we address it as parents?

At lunch, we (Vanessa’s mother and I) notice that the supervision in the cafeteria, and outside for recess, is limited.  Most researchers will say that bullying is at its worst when there is little supervision, and unfortunately this school appears to be no different. The school is currently spending an enormous amount of money on a program designed at improving interaction among peers, and teaching proper interpersonal relationships. The results are yet to be seen, of course, but I believe that if these behaviors begin at home, and if they are acceptable at home, (or childcare or wherever), they will continue to be part of the child’s actions. A few hours of day in school might not change anything.

We have spoken with the teacher who admits she has spoken to the child’s parent, and it is something she must continue to discuss all day with the girl. She seemed overwhelmed, and my concern is that this child is robbing others of their chance at a peaceful education.

Some complaints we hear from our daughters are “She won’t let me play with so and so, She kicked me off the team, She said Vanessa can’t play with me”. The last statement is the most disturbing as my daughter and Vanessa have been friends for years and do many things together outside of school. When we (Vanessa’s mother and I) visit the school we see this child dragging Vanessa around, ordering her to do things, and ultimately controlling her. As much as Vanessa’s mother and I are able, we try to encourage Vanessa, a relatively shy and soft-spoken child, to resist this Jasmine, but it seems futile. We have both spoken to this child (Jasmine) on several occasions, and like most bullies, she appears to be sweet and kind, and ultimately respectful to adults, and she certainly does not realize we are able to see through her façade.

Jasmine has invited both our girls to her birthday party, which happens to be tonight, and uninvited them many times as well. Vanessa’s mother and I are going to take our children and see how the interactions occur in front of Jasmine’s mother, and go ahead from there. Our two girls will have a sleep-over after the party.

Vanessa’s mother and I were so excited when we learned our daughter’s were in the same class, and now we are sad that their experience has been so horrible, because of one child and their actions.

No matter how many times we tell our girls, that they need not play with this child, that they should play with other people and ignore her, that they are strong and they do not deserve to be treated this way, they are simply overwhelmed by her.

We have debated whether they should go to the party (but decided we could see if she acted that way in front of her mother-potentially opening a door to unthreatening communication), we have toyed with the idea of inviting her to joining our Girl Scout Troop (so she can see appropriate interactions), we have spoken to the teacher, and will be addressing the lack of supervision on the playground with the school.
What would you do?

Yesterday another mother heard, and saw me, as I talked with Jasmine about how sad she made me, and my daughter when she is unkind, and how I know she can be nicer to the girls.
The mother said that she liked how I did that, and wondered what was going on because her daughter was experiencing something similar in her class.

As I read the article in The New York Times today entitled 1 Ohio School, 4 Bullied Teens Dead at Own Hand I wonder why do we wait so long to act on these behaviors, and what MORE can we do about it? Shouldn’t we be focusing more on these younger children so these behaviors do not become permanent personality flaws?

Phoebe Prince’s father focuses on forgiveness?

In a recent post by Boston Globe Staff Phoebe Prince’s father is quoted as saying he would ask for leniency if the bullies accused in his daughter’s bullying suicide case apologized.

Can you imagine? The pain he experienced this year must be horrific, and yet, he seeks to forgive.

His example is one that we all must  follow. After all, each of us makes mistakes. We all say and do things we regret. Our actions, though we may not intend to hurt people, sometimes do. Occasionally we act impulsively. Sometimes our motivations are unclear, even to us. Sometimes, we behave poorly, and wish we could take back our actions. Sometimes all we want is to be forgiven.

Jeremy Prince, phoebe’s father, suggested he would ask for “total leniency” if the teens involved admitted what they had done.

Can we not learn from his pain, and his example?  Can people learn from their mistakes and see the opportunity that sometimes arises from unfortunate incidents?  I hope so.

If the south Hadley teens are forgiven and allowed to move forward with their lives perhaps they will see how their actions affected so many others. Perhaps their anger and hatred will produce positive changes in them, and those around them. Perhaps they will seek to set an example and share their experience so that others may see how bullying is more than just children behaving badly.
Perhaps they will use their experience to help others. Assuming they are guilty, if they do not seek forgiveness, and move forward with anger, it is not only Phoebe’s life that lost that day.

I sincerely hope that the children involved, and their parents, can all work toward forgiveness. Perhaps we can all learn something from this tragedy.

Guilty…or not

Innocent until proven guilty. Dynamic words. In the United States the concept is relatively universal. Nearly everyone has heard those words, nearly everyone has an image, sometimes powerful, of what those words mean to them.

To me, they are part of what makes me love my country.  Innocent until proven guilty in a court of law. The burden of proof lies with the prosecution and, should a jury find a person not guilty, they cannot be tried a second time for the same crime.  At least that is my novice understanding.

What if the accused publicly admits the crime? Even apologizes and agrees to restitution. Case closed, right?

Not quite.

Do you remember awhile back I wrote about a boy who was forcibly tattooed, with vulgar words and images, on his backside?

One of the teens involved, Travis Johnston, apologizes a few days after the incident. He doesn’t call the victim and apologize privately, so that no one else knows. He makes a public declaration of guilt, apologizes, and agrees to restitution. He says he will accept the consequences for his actions.

One would think the court day would arrive, Travis Johnston would stand in front of the judge, proclaim his guilt, get his sentence and restitution, and move on with his life. He wouldn’t waste the court’s time, after all, there is a public declaration, right?

Wrong. Travis Johnston, has pled not guilty.

Now I do not know about you, but I believe in the court system. I really believe that everyone is innocent until proven guilty. I believe that the media  makes it hard for a person to get a fair trial because they effectively judge a person and present evidence, long before a person sees the judicial process in action.

I believe that people are sometimes pressured by police to make false confessions. It happens a lot, more than I would care to see, actually.
Travis Johnston was not pressured by police, maybe his mother, but not police. Now, he goes into court and says not guilty. His mother has changed her story a bit too, saying her son has “more disabilities” than the victim, and the victim agreed to it.

I would like to make it clear, there are of course other aspects of the story that I know nothing about.

Perhaps the boy did “agree” to being tattooed.  Perhaps the media has skewed the  story one way, and there is a different side, unseen to the public. Happens all the time.

BUT. and this is a really big BUT.  Travis Johnston admitted his part voluntarily on camera. His mother allowed video cameras in their home. 

Maybe Travis  was bullied by his mother to speak up?

Possibly.

Ultimately, a fourteen year old is not legally able to consent to a tattoo in most places. And I do not believe, for one second, that anyone would ‘consent’ to being tattooed with ” Poop D*ck”, ever.

I do not know how Travis Johnston plans to present any sort of defense against the charges after his very public admission. I wondered it then, and I wonder it now. 

I do know is this is still the most disturbing case of “bullying” I have heard of in a long time.

Teen Tattoer apologizes?

Travis Johnston, age 18, has admitted his part in the tattooing attack of a fourteen year old boy. Saying that he “feels bad” and he will accept the punishment or process, because he was a part of the incident, Travis told reporters at his home. His mother allowed cameras into her basement where the alleged attack occurred and apologized herself to the parents and teen. She suggested that Travis was trying to ‘fit in’ to a new crowd and maybe went along with his peers.

While that may be true, it is certainly no excuse, and does not constitute a traditional form of hazing. If he was pressured, and there is no response from the other boys involved thus far, Travis is an adult legally and as shown in the video here Alleged NH bully apologizes for tattoo incident, he seems fairly confident.  One might assume he could resist such pressure, especially since he is so forward with his attempt to reach out to the media.

I understand that for some, it could be easy to take the perspective of sympathy for this young man, but I caution people to look further at his demeanor, his maturity, and his obvious intelligence, and consider the boy with learning disabilities he allegedly assaulted.

Did the Joise Ratley text messages invite attack?

Josie Ratley, victim of a horrific attack several months ago,  is home from the hospital. Her mother said her progress is slow, but steady. Thankfully she survived the attack allegedly committed by a boy named Wayne Treacy.

Treacy, is being held without bail and faces first degree attempted murder charges. His defense attorney is likely pursuing a temporary insanity plea on the grounds that Treacy was suffering from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) at the time of the incident. 

According to text records recently released Ratley and Treacy had a heated exchange during which Ratley referred to Treacy as a “rapist” and suggested he “go visit” his “dead brother”. Treacy allegedly became enraged because his brother had previously committed suicide, and Treacy had seen his brother’s body.

Treacy, was likely horribly scarred by his brother’s death, as any child would be, and if family support was lacking it could exacerbate  the situation. Sadly, neither child’s life will ever be the same, and impulsive actions have affected both of their families. Ultimately, as wrong as it was for Josie to say the thoughtless things she did, she did not precipitate that attack, and Wayne Treacy, if found guilty, should be held accountable, and receive an appropriate punishment, and counseling.

Teen tattooed by bullies?

One of the thing that bothers me most about bullying, other than the constant repetition of “it’s just kids being kids’, is that much of the time bullying amounts to criminal behavior.

Think about it, as adults if we verbally harass and taunt someone, it could be considered stalking, or harassment, or at the very least disorderly conduct, depending on how one chose to interpret the laws.

Why then do we allow young children to behave in a way that will eventually constitute criminal behavior, all while labeling it child’s play?

It seems ridiculous to me and I will never understand it, just like I will never understand how four young men, and one teen can be labeled “bullies” after what they did to another young teen.

In an article on CBS online (originally The Smoking Gun)  the young men allegedly coerced a boy with learning disabilities to a home with the threat that they would no longer harass him, if he let them tatto him. The boy, who probably felt he had no other options, complied, and the young men proceeded to tattoo his behind with the words “p**p d*ck”.

I cannot tell you how enraged, disgusted and dismayed this makes me, and how I hope these young men, if found guilty, be made an example of.

The fact is that this boy was likely not their first victim, and should they enter the prison system, will likely not be their last.

Why is it that we allow this behavior of torturing one’s peers to go on for so long, and are then shocked and appalled when something like this happens?  I, for one, would love to know what behavior record these people had in kindergarten through high school. I would almost be willing to bet this is not the first time they have done something like this. After all behavior is a result of conditioning, and these young men have probably been conditioned to believe this is acceptable, in one way or another.

In truth, they are innocent until proven guilty but the sad fact is someone horribly assaulted and tortured a boy, and left lifelong scars, inside and out.

When are we going to realize that we must begin to discuss appropriate socialization behavior early, instead of making excuses?  When will we start to speak up and say bullying, or as I like to call it potential criminal behavior of a child, is unacceptable.