Ok. So I don’t get to write as often as I like. I am swamped this semester, again, and although I think about the topic of bullying and how we treat each other often, I don’t get to share it here. I suppose that makes me no better than many other people who say, “It’s not my problem.” I hope not, but I can’t help but think that I should be doing more.
This morning I went to church with my family. A church I like quite a lot because I belive they really do preach acceptance. This morning, at our Family Service, the message of acceptance was shared loud and clear.
The Family Service is designed, as far as I can tell, to make church an experience that children want to be involved in. We have all seen the child sitting in the pews, eyes glazed over, wishing more than anything they were somewhere else. Plenty of parents too. It isn’t like that at our church. The Family service is shortened to about a half an hour. Perfect for young children and their short attention spans. The content and sharing of Scripture is put in a context they can understand. There are often puppet shows, and actors (often our pastors) dressed in costume sharing stories from the Bible in ways that children can relate to. If that didn’t engage the children, they are often asked to sing, play instruments and share in the message in various ways. The youth of our church really want to be there and youth activities always seem to be well attended.
Today the message was for children and parents. In the process of sharing about the Ten Commandments, Pastor Scott took the time to talk about bullying. He shared how important it is for peers to treat each other well and “sticks and stones really do hurt”. I couldn’t have been prouder when he took the time to discuss such an important problem.
It really is going to take everyone, and churches are a great place to start. When community leaders take the time to say the problem needs attention, people begin to shift their focus. Oftentimes , bullying is looked at just kids being kids. Something that doesn’t really deserve a lot of attention. The time for that is passed, bullying is an epidemic. From politics, to playgrounds, we must begin to treat our fellow humans better. Treat those as you would like to be treated shouldn’t be lip service, but a real way of life.
Thank you Pastor’s Scott and Paula for sharing the word.
What would you do?
Friends!
Bullying in kindergarten, and younger, is very real. I have written about the behaviors I saw in my daughter’s 4-K class, and how it prompted me to start this blog. I wish that I was able to write every day because I would be able to share with you the story of Jasmine, on how one child is affecting our lives .
I have written about her before, in my post, First Day of Kindergarten. She is a child in my daughter’s class and her behaviors have brought my daughter, and her friend Vanessa, to tears . The problem is how do we address it as parents?
At lunch, we (Vanessa’s mother and I) notice that the supervision in the cafeteria, and outside for recess, is limited. Most researchers will say that bullying is at its worst when there is little supervision, and unfortunately this school appears to be no different. The school is currently spending an enormous amount of money on a program designed at improving interaction among peers, and teaching proper interpersonal relationships. The results are yet to be seen, of course, but I believe that if these behaviors begin at home, and if they are acceptable at home, (or childcare or wherever), they will continue to be part of the child’s actions. A few hours of day in school might not change anything.
We have spoken with the teacher who admits she has spoken to the child’s parent, and it is something she must continue to discuss all day with the girl. She seemed overwhelmed, and my concern is that this child is robbing others of their chance at a peaceful education.
Some complaints we hear from our daughters are “She won’t let me play with so and so, She kicked me off the team, She said Vanessa can’t play with me”. The last statement is the most disturbing as my daughter and Vanessa have been friends for years and do many things together outside of school. When we (Vanessa’s mother and I) visit the school we see this child dragging Vanessa around, ordering her to do things, and ultimately controlling her. As much as Vanessa’s mother and I are able, we try to encourage Vanessa, a relatively shy and soft-spoken child, to resist this Jasmine, but it seems futile. We have both spoken to this child (Jasmine) on several occasions, and like most bullies, she appears to be sweet and kind, and ultimately respectful to adults, and she certainly does not realize we are able to see through her façade.
Jasmine has invited both our girls to her birthday party, which happens to be tonight, and uninvited them many times as well. Vanessa’s mother and I are going to take our children and see how the interactions occur in front of Jasmine’s mother, and go ahead from there. Our two girls will have a sleep-over after the party.
Vanessa’s mother and I were so excited when we learned our daughter’s were in the same class, and now we are sad that their experience has been so horrible, because of one child and their actions.
No matter how many times we tell our girls, that they need not play with this child, that they should play with other people and ignore her, that they are strong and they do not deserve to be treated this way, they are simply overwhelmed by her.
We have debated whether they should go to the party (but decided we could see if she acted that way in front of her mother-potentially opening a door to unthreatening communication), we have toyed with the idea of inviting her to joining our Girl Scout Troop (so she can see appropriate interactions), we have spoken to the teacher, and will be addressing the lack of supervision on the playground with the school.
What would you do?
Yesterday another mother heard, and saw me, as I talked with Jasmine about how sad she made me, and my daughter when she is unkind, and how I know she can be nicer to the girls.
The mother said that she liked how I did that, and wondered what was going on because her daughter was experiencing something similar in her class.
As I read the article in The New York Times today entitled 1 Ohio School, 4 Bullied Teens Dead at Own Hand I wonder why do we wait so long to act on these behaviors, and what MORE can we do about it? Shouldn’t we be focusing more on these younger children so these behaviors do not become permanent personality flaws?
2 Comments
Posted in Anti-Bullying, Bully, commentary, Culture, education, kids, Kindergarten, Parents, Suicide, Teachers, victims
Tagged Adults, children, Daughter, Family, Home, kids, kindergarten, Parents, Violence and Abuse, Youth