Political Provocation?

 

Controversial Map from Sarah Palin‘s Facebook page

Many people are claiming that the responsibility for Saturday’s horrific mass shooting in Tucson Arizona belongs with Sarah Palin and her camp for placing a map on Facebook page last year designating Democrats who had voted for the controversial health care bill with a symbol eerily similar to the crosshairs of a gun.  Some people think that Jesse Kelly’s pre-election event where he encouraged people to come shoot an M16 with him to raise funds to ‘remove Gabrielle Giffords from office”.

I suspect that at this point both people involved are regretting those situations. I belive that the actions of Sarah Palin and Jessie Kelly were, at the very least,  irresponsible and a poor example of how we should be treating each other.

As is the case with most tragedies, journalists immediately jumped on the chance to blame someone.  Name calling and attempts at isolating and ostracizing those on the opposite side were almost immediate.  Bickering and public shaming  continue days later, even as the victim’s funerals begin.

In reality, both sides have made some pretty poor choices. It turns out that at one point Democrats have used a map with archery targets marking areas that Democrats could win.
Apparently, President Obama has quoted The Untouchables, stating, “If they bring a knife to the fight, we bring a gun.”

It seems that words and actions can cause an awful lot of regret. We often say things we don’t mean and we certainly don’t expect for things like Saturday’s shooting to happen.  Does that mean that politicians are responsible for the alleged actions of Jared Loughner?

Certainly not. The young man seems to have exhibited many of the symptoms associated with schizophrenia and while he may not purse an insanity defense, he likely had some mental health issues.  He is the only one responsible for his actions. 

Politicians are not responsible, but their inability to seek common political ground is damaging our country, no matter how you look at it. Whether in their example as role models or the lack of compromising progress in Washington, politicians are damaging our country.

In my opinion, the scenario and political climate reeks of bullying and seems no different from a high school hallway or classroom. When we vote for these people we are just as culpable for the disharmony that exists in our country as they are.  The question is, what are we going to do about it?

50 Blog Posts Every Teacher Should Read

Image via Wikipedia

I am proud to say that this blog has a place on a special list. 50 Blog Posts Every Teacher Should Read is a list produced by Michael Erins on his site Masters in Education.

The post, What can forgiveness do for you?, written July 31 2010, about Phoebe’s father’s wish to forgive the children involved in her suicide, was in response to the Phoebe Prince case, and in part, a post written earlier that day.

Thank you Mr. Erins for your dedication to teachers and for researching the 50 most important sites. I applaud your efforts.

As many of you know bullying is a crisis I care deeply about, despite my inability at this time to post as often as I would like.  I applaud efforts by educators to find new ways to deal with this age-old problem.

I mentioned awhile back I had spoken with my daughter’s principal about the lack of supervision on the playgrounds at her school. Two school days after that conversation the principal di send out an email to parents requesting volunteer supervision on the playground. It was a welcome email and when I returned to the school the following Friday there was a noticeable increase in parents choosing to attend lunch with their children. Recess seemed a little less chaotic and it is my opinion that adult presence simply reminds children of the rules even if the rules are unspoken. Kudos, to her principal!

Perhaps you can spend some time at recess with your children and help create a more visible adult presence. Children really enjoy it, and I am sure you will too.

Most bullying in schools occurs during unsupervised times like recess, class transitions, and bathroom breaks. Children cannot be watched every second of every day but if  more adults are present during recess perhaps the likelihood of bullying behavior will drop.

Isn’t it worth a try?

I hope you are having a wonderful week and I hope to have opportunity to write again soon. In the mean time please explore some of the helpful links I have provided on this site.

~Beth

First Day of Kindergarten

Lunch was packed; grapes, cheese sticks, homemade (from a box-but not pre-packaged) pudding,  pretzel nibblers, lovey note from Mommy. CHECK. Bookbag, water bottle, milk money. CHECK.

  She was not as nervous as I thought she would be, and neither was I. The rain held off. The walk to school with our friends, and neighbors, was delightful.  A beautiful day all around.

Then it happened. Not to my daughter, but to the lovely little girl she has become friends with; we all have become friends with.  Vanessa, (not her real name) got glasses over the summer. Beautiful purple, and sparkly glasses. They look as though they belong on her face.  Under the flagpole, waiting for school to start, Vanessa’s friend from pre-school approaches. Vanessa is visibly nervous. Maybe about school. Maybe about the glasses.

Jasmine: (Also,not her real name): “What happened to your eyes?”.  Vanessa hesitates.  I answer, “Aren’t her glasses pretty, she just got them over the summer?”  “Don’t they look nice on her?”

Jasmine: “UGH“,  with a frightened, disgusted look, hides behind her mother. Seconds later, she returns, “Why don’t you take them off? Why are you wearing them?”

At this point I am not sure what to do, Vanessa is clearly distraught, and I know from her mother she is not happy about having to wear the glasses. I step back, leaving the girls to themselves, I tell Vanessa’s mother about the incident as she talks to another mother.  

I am heartbroken for Vanessa. I can’t imagine how it has made her feel, especially since she is so visibly shaken by the overall experience of attending her first day of school, the glasses may have been the icing on the cake.

Luckily, Vanessa is resilient and strong, smart and determined, she will be alright, no doubt.

I was wondering, what would you do in that situation? How would you address it? Do you let the girls feel the situation out? Do you help Jasmine understand, even if she is not your child? 

I quickly reminded Vanessa how fantastic she looked, as we all have been, since she got the glasses. Did it sink in? Does her fear prevent any compliments from sinking in?

 I do think that it is acceptable for Jasmine to be curious, but it is important for the behavior to be addressed somehow. If not, and it is brushed off as “normal”, behaviors like this are bound to continue and insensitivity can easily be come something much more harmful. At least in my opinion.  What do you think?

Perspective and Prejudice.

The other day I took my children to the Wisconsin Veteran’s Museum. It wasn’t out of some patriotic need to see the museum, but rather, it was stifling outside, and the museum is free.

Located on the first floor of a building, directly across the street from the Wisconsin State Capitol, the museum possesses many collections of war memorabilia from various conflicts throughout American history.  I wasn’t sure what we would find, and how I would feel about the experience. I feel it is important for my children to learn about conflict, and the consequences,  so there we were. Standing in front of cannons, tanks, ammunition, and weapons of untold number, I realized how bloody our American past has been. Not that other countries don’t have equally bloody pasts, but I do not live there.

I thought about all the conflicts, and wondered if they were avoidable. I fielded questions from my children about the weapons, and the mannequins with blood on them. I paused as I saw pictures of veterans who had lost their lives from Wisconsin in the current conflict.

I can’t explain how I felt that day accurately, other than I was embarrassed to explain to my children why so many people couldn’t get along. When asked “why did so many people die?”  I couldn’t really answer, because I am not sure that the conflicts required so much violence.   Maybe they did, maybe they didn’t.

As uncomfortable and as somber as the experience made me feel, nothing compared to what happened next.

A family, obviously containing several generations, came into one area of the museum. Standing before me, in front of the exhibits housing Korean, Vietnam and World War II memorabilia, was a family of Asian descent.  I wasn’t sure of their exact origin, and I assumed they were visiting, or first generation citizens, because most of their conversations were in a different dialect. Not being an expert, I couldn’t be sure of which one.

Immediately, I was nervous. I was nervous not because I had some patriotic predisposed anger after viewing the memorabilia, but instead because I was embarrassed.  I was embarrassed, because I did not know what the exhibits would mean to them. I wanted nothing more than to ask them how viewing the exhibits made them feel. I wanted to know how their perception of history differed from mine. I wanted to do nothing more than talk with them.  I wanted to find out what they felt caused the conflict, and what could be done in the future.

Sadly, I was the only one. Several other visitors immediately left the area. There was whispering, and dirty looks.

How can we begin to solve problems if we immediately pass judgement on others? How can we assume that the other visitors were not citizens? How can we assume what they feel?  (Of course I realize that I am assuming that the other visitors left because of the apparent origin of the newest visitors however it would seem that they did try to hide it)

What does this have to do with Kindergarten bullying?

Nothing specifically, other than my children did not show the same distrust or displeasure toward people with differences.  They were not rude or disrespectful. They didn’t feel the need to leave, or whisper. They kept looking at the exhibits as though nothing was amiss, as they should have. It was clear to me that children are not immediately distrustful of their peers.

Do children pass judgement on their peers only because of images and attitudes held by their parents? It would seem so to me. What do you think?

When one word means many things…

Religion. Faith. Patriotic. Peace. Freedom. Independence. Respect. Tolerance. God.

All of these words, when asked, will elicit a different definition from people. Some may become very serious, and deliver an emotional soliloquy . Others, a terse dictionary definition.

Try it sometime. Ask your friends what these words mean to them. Be ready for an argument.  Your definition of these words is likely not the same as those around you.  Even the closest church group will produce different definitions.

Wait a minute. A dictionary definition is the only correct answer.  End of story. Right?

Wrong. We are all different. All these words, and many others, mean different things to each of us. Often, words like these will produce heartfelt, serious, emotionally charged definitions.

How then can we seek to meet in the middle, if we can’t even agree on simple words? 

There is no simple answer, other than we must. We must realize that we each offer a different perspective. If simple words produce different meanings, certainly, other things must too.

Our definition is not right, or wrong, just different.

How do we teach our children acceptance?

There is, of course, no easy answer. It is hard to accept difference. We easily become set in our ways and often find ourselves seeking out those with whom we share similar interests and beliefs.

The fact of the matter is if we seek to surround ourselves with sameness, if we are afraid of difference, if we believe that those who are different have nothing to offer, so will our children.

I have said before that parenting is a teaching experience, and you may wonder what I mean by that. For me parenting is not about being my child’s best friend, though I do want them to feel comfortable confiding in me, trusting me, and enjoying my company. For me, it is about allowing them the opportunity to make choices and mistakes. For me, it is about assisting them as they set out on a journey called life, and it’s about giving them tools to help along the way. Sometimes, it means they will fail. Sometimes, it means there will be tears. Sometimes, I will not like their choices. 

Andrea Patten, author of What Kids Need to Succeed says it best. “We are not raising children, but future adults. “

Woa! Wait a minute, what do you mean we are not raising children. It means that if we are rasing children, they will always be children. We know that is not the case. Someday they will leave the comfort, and security, and confines of our homes. What it means is, we must give them the skills to grow into successful adults.

What does that mean when it comes to acceptance?

Everyone knows that the teenage years are often filled with rebellion. Teenagers often seek out the extreme opposite of what they see much of their life. Why not expose them to many people, cultures, and lives, so that they can make their own choices without pulling away?

The fact is that if children see diversity, without judgement or disrespect, they will not only learn to treat everyone with respect they might not seek the extreme when the time comes. It is possible to expose children to difference, and say “while I don’t necessarily chose that path for myself, it is that person’s choice to live as they do, it does not make them any less human or less deserving of respect”.  If we actively seek diversity for our children; if we share opportunities for new people, cultures and friendships, they will not only learn, by example , that all people are to be respected, we might just make some new friends along the way.

 We all want what is best for our children. We all hope they make choices that match our beliefs . Sometimes we try so hard to shelter and protect them that the minute they are able to make some choices for themselves, they fight back, and we wonder where we have gone wrong.

Isn’t it better to show them acceptance, tolerance, and loving attitudes from the start?

Be part of the Solution-You ARE the key.

We talk a lot about empowering kids. Making our kids stronger so that they can resist life’s challenges, including bullies.  We speak about and ask ‘how can I help my child’? 

The sad fact of the matter is, if you are asking, your child already has an advantage. What about those children who don’t have parents concerned about their experience? What if the parents are children themselves? What if they live in poverty and both parents work? What if there are no parents but a stream of foster parents?

In truth these are the children that are at risk and I am going to say that few school programs and laws will be able to protect them from the lonely feeling they experience, and the risk factors that make them a target for bullying.

What do we do? Well, I believe that those of us that care about our children, and how they navigate through childhood  are responsible for ALL children.

What do I mean?

 I mean it is up to us to raise socially responsible children who are confident in themselves, who are kind and empathetic to peers, and who set examples for them. I mean we plan on living in a society that these children will someday live in and why not focus on the process instead of complain about the outcome.

How do we do that?

We encourage our children to, not only, empower themselves, but others. Through kindness to everyone, and especially those who are in situations that are unpleasant, and who have few resources upon which to draw, children can act as resources their peers may not have. They might a family and encouragement that is not readily available.

So can you. As an adult you are able to interact with your children’s peers and classmates. You can invite all of them to group activities. If you are financially challenged there are free activities everywhere. Sometimes children just need an adult to be there. They need people who care about them.

It is up to us to create the families and communities that are beneficial to our child,  but our children are not the only children who are in need. Other children are part of society and some day will be adults who we all will interact with. If we have a stake in the outcome why not contribute to the process?

You are a valuable person. You have a lot to offer. Why not share it with everyone around you?

Be part of the solution.  You are the key.

Empowering girls, resisting bullies, and creating strong women

This post is a little one-sided. I want to share something with you and it is only for girls.  Traditionally girl’s role models, especially marketed role models, have been examples of frailty. Princesses and beauty queens, many examples show women and girls as submissive, in societal positions they will likely almost never achieve.

Many studies suggest that one way to resist bullies is to encourage a positive self-image. Why then is nearly everything sold to little girls purple and pink, and frilly, and seemingly “soft”?

Growing up, I had some positive role models, and yet, somehow I still felt, and sometimes still feel that my position in society is less than equal.  I do not want that for my daughter.

I want all girls to be empowered;  to feel they can achieve anything.  I want them to realize they are stronger than they think.

I believe we need to do all we can to help all children, but especially girls, to realize their inner strength. Not only will it help resist bullies, it will help them be strong in ways they never thought possible.

That is why I think the company created by Melissa Wardy, called Pigtail Pals, is an important addition to the marketplace, and to the products we offer our girls.

Melissa started Pigtail Pals because she believed in better role models for her little girl. She started Pigtail Pals so her daughter, and other girls, could see that women are strong, “courageous, intelligent, and independent.”

I think it is wonderful we can begin to move away from the frailty that seems present in most of the products offered to little girls.

Check out Pigtail Pals TODAY and take advantage of their Summer Sale. Use the coupon code : summer sale and get 60% off until tonight! Plus you won’t be surprised by an enormous shipping cost at checkout- I ordered 3 shirts and paid $4.95!

What image do you want your little girls to follow?

What can forgiveness do for you?

A very loyal reader, Fritzie, posted a comment earlier today to my post Phoebe Prince’s Father Focuses on Forgiveness? and shared a story about a woman faced with a choice. Katy Hutchinson experienced tragedy. Her husband, left their home one night to check on their neighbor’s property when a party broke out while they were away. he never returned. One of the teenage party goers took his life and Katy was left alone with two children.

In this video Katy herself speaks about the choice she made the night of her husband’s death, and how her life, and many others, are now positively altered by forgiveness. 

Katy has not only forgiven the teen, she has forged a relationship based on the power of forgiveness. Watch the video, I promise it will make you think, and you may just find yourself asking how can forgiveness work for me?

Thanks Fritzie, for your contribution and dedication.

Phoebe Prince’s father focuses on forgiveness?

In a recent post by Boston Globe Staff Phoebe Prince’s father is quoted as saying he would ask for leniency if the bullies accused in his daughter’s bullying suicide case apologized.

Can you imagine? The pain he experienced this year must be horrific, and yet, he seeks to forgive.

His example is one that we all must  follow. After all, each of us makes mistakes. We all say and do things we regret. Our actions, though we may not intend to hurt people, sometimes do. Occasionally we act impulsively. Sometimes our motivations are unclear, even to us. Sometimes, we behave poorly, and wish we could take back our actions. Sometimes all we want is to be forgiven.

Jeremy Prince, phoebe’s father, suggested he would ask for “total leniency” if the teens involved admitted what they had done.

Can we not learn from his pain, and his example?  Can people learn from their mistakes and see the opportunity that sometimes arises from unfortunate incidents?  I hope so.

If the south Hadley teens are forgiven and allowed to move forward with their lives perhaps they will see how their actions affected so many others. Perhaps their anger and hatred will produce positive changes in them, and those around them. Perhaps they will seek to set an example and share their experience so that others may see how bullying is more than just children behaving badly.
Perhaps they will use their experience to help others. Assuming they are guilty, if they do not seek forgiveness, and move forward with anger, it is not only Phoebe’s life that lost that day.

I sincerely hope that the children involved, and their parents, can all work toward forgiveness. Perhaps we can all learn something from this tragedy.