Pink Shirt Day

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Today, two friends told me about their recent experience with bullying.

One of my best friends, who I have known for 23 years told me about her son fearfully shaking this morning as he told her he was scared to go to school. Another friend told me about how her co-workers child is experiencing bullying with little help from the school principal.

Sadly, these stories are not unique and the fact is that bullying is rampant in our society.

From very small children, where it begins, to adults in public office.  Many people know live in the great state of Wisconsin. For over 50 years the state has held a long tradition of union negotiation, protecting the rights of workers. Now those rights are under attack by a newly elected Governor, ill-equipped to compromise, preferring strong-arm tactics.

Both sides of the argument are in the process of name calling and bullying tactics.  One side has sought to bully the other into changes and is shocked when the other has decided to push back, effectively playing the same game by refusing to allow a vote. Clearly, both sides are bullying the other, and failing to negotiate is a horrible example of how things should work.  Sadly, that the Governor is trying to eliminate the right to negotiate is the most tragic tactic to come out of this political dispute but both sides have behaved poorly in many respects.

I would like to remind people, bullying begins in a child’s formative years and all examples that adults provide are quickly internalized as proper behavior, regardless of whether those are appropriate or not.

When a child is bullied on the playground we often tell them to fight back, and we certainly wouldn’t expect them to lay down and take a beating when faced with a fight, but to defend themselves given the circumstances.  The solution is to learn how to treat each other with respect and learn to negotiate and compromise with a clear head, avoiding the power abuse that is bullying.

Wednesday, February 23, 2011 is Pink Shirt Day, a day we stand together to fight against bullying by deciding we are no longer going to tolerate power abuse. We stand together silently to support the rights of children and people to be treated with respect. Remember to wear your PINK shirt, and remember that bullying begins with each of us and the examples we set for our children.

Here is a link for more information.

Wondering what to look for if your child is being bullied?

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I know I have not been posting as much as I normally do, and for that I apologize. The thing is I have really been enjoying the summer, and time with my kids (for the most part-one can always do without whining and tantrums).

School is starting soon, and I hope to be more proactive in my posts. I haven’t forgotten about the bullies, or even stopped thinking about ways to combat them.  I even feel a bit irresponsible, enjoying my time so much, when I know there are children out there who are afraid. Afraid of their peers, afraid that school is about to start, afraid that their summer vacation ending, means nine months of sadness, depression, fear and angst.

I feel like it is a good time to remind ourselves what it looks like when bullying affects our children, what should we as parents, grandparents, and family members look for?

The following information comes from a site that, I think, offers easy to understand information about bullying and education topics. A person can find a wealth of resources at Education.com by just typing a topic in the search box.

Warning Signs your child is being bullied, and what to do about it:

Warning signs:

 

Possible warning signs that a child is being bullied include:

• Comes home with torn, damaged, or missing pieces of clothing, books, or other belongings
• Has unexplained cuts, bruises, and scratches
• Has few, if any friends, with whom he or she spends time
• Seems afraid of going to school, walking to and from school, riding the school bus, or taking part in organized activities with peers (such as clubs)
• Takes a long, “illogical” route when walking to or from school
• Has lost interest in school work or suddenly begins to do poorly in school
• Appears sad, moody, teary, or depressed when he or she comes home
• Complains frequently of headaches, stomach-ache, or other physical ailments
• Has trouble sleeping or has frequent bad dreams
• Experiences a loss of appetite
• Appears anxious and suffers from low self-esteem

What to do if you suspect that your child is being bullied?

If your child shows any of these signs, this does not necessarily mean that he or she is being bullied, but it is a possibility worth exploring. What should you do? Talk with your child and talk with staff at school to learn more.

1. Talk with your child.

Tell your child that you are concerned and that you’d like to help. Here are some questions that can get the discussion going:

Some direct questions:

• “I’m worried about you. Are there any kids at school who may be picking on you or bullying you?”
• “Are there any kids at school who tease you in a mean way?”
• “Are there any kids at school who leave you out or exclude you on purpose?”

Some subtle questions:

• “Do you have any special friends at school this year? Who are they? Who do you hang out with?”
• “Who do you sit with at lunch and on the bus?”
• “Are there any kids at school who you really don’t like? Why don’t you like them? Do they ever pick on you or leave you out of things?”

The article is available here, goes on to discuss how a parent can speak to educators at their child’s school.

Bullying is not just kids being kids, it is a serious problem, and if it were adults committing the same acts we would not hesitate to call it harassment or abuse. Why do we expect our children to behave like criminals, and allow it?