Pink Shirt Day

Image via Wikipedia

Today, two friends told me about their recent experience with bullying.

One of my best friends, who I have known for 23 years told me about her son fearfully shaking this morning as he told her he was scared to go to school. Another friend told me about how her co-workers child is experiencing bullying with little help from the school principal.

Sadly, these stories are not unique and the fact is that bullying is rampant in our society.

From very small children, where it begins, to adults in public office.  Many people know live in the great state of Wisconsin. For over 50 years the state has held a long tradition of union negotiation, protecting the rights of workers. Now those rights are under attack by a newly elected Governor, ill-equipped to compromise, preferring strong-arm tactics.

Both sides of the argument are in the process of name calling and bullying tactics.  One side has sought to bully the other into changes and is shocked when the other has decided to push back, effectively playing the same game by refusing to allow a vote. Clearly, both sides are bullying the other, and failing to negotiate is a horrible example of how things should work.  Sadly, that the Governor is trying to eliminate the right to negotiate is the most tragic tactic to come out of this political dispute but both sides have behaved poorly in many respects.

I would like to remind people, bullying begins in a child’s formative years and all examples that adults provide are quickly internalized as proper behavior, regardless of whether those are appropriate or not.

When a child is bullied on the playground we often tell them to fight back, and we certainly wouldn’t expect them to lay down and take a beating when faced with a fight, but to defend themselves given the circumstances.  The solution is to learn how to treat each other with respect and learn to negotiate and compromise with a clear head, avoiding the power abuse that is bullying.

Wednesday, February 23, 2011 is Pink Shirt Day, a day we stand together to fight against bullying by deciding we are no longer going to tolerate power abuse. We stand together silently to support the rights of children and people to be treated with respect. Remember to wear your PINK shirt, and remember that bullying begins with each of us and the examples we set for our children.

Here is a link for more information.

The Bully

An amazing new independent film by Derek Kimball and Matthew D. Konkel will première tonight at  7:30 p.m. Friday, Oct. 8, at Rhode Center for the Arts, 514 56th St., Kenosha, Wisconsin. Filmed in Wisconsin, The Bully is an artistic perspective on something that is prevalent in our society, and is making headlines each day, it seems.

Kimball and Konkel expose bullying as it occurs through a child’s eyes, and offer a fresh reminder about what it feels like to be in elementary school face to face with a school bully.  Unique camera angles, and sound, make this film feel remarkably real, allowing the viewer to share the same emotions the boys do as they  find themselves confronting a bully to win the favor of a girl. Kelly, (Henry Shotwell), and Sam, (Richard Heim),  reach out to challenge Noah Marns (Alex Losi) and are surprised by what they find. You will be too.

While this movie does not seek to teach a lesson, or shine a light on the problem of bullying, the fact is, it does. Brilliant screenwriting by Derek Kimball and Matthew Konkel  make this an important contribution to the dialogue about bullying.  

If you are in the Kenosha area see this film firsthand, and if you are not, take the time to go to the website, view the trailer, and donate. Your support allows the film enter film festivals worldwide.

The Bully- A new independent film

I have a second to post and I wanted to mention that in just a few days I will be receiving an advance copy of the new independent film by Derek Kimball and Matthew D. Konkel called The Bully. I am really excited to see this artistic look at a problem that is so prevalent, and seems to be more so each day.

While I have not been writing as regularly as I was, bullying is still a cause I care deeply about. Especially since it is so visible in my daughter’s class. It seems that there is a lot of aggression in a few of the children and relational aggression is most prevalent. At least as far as I can see. Children are not very kind and each day my daughter comes home with a different story about who wont play with whom and what is being said. I could just assume that it is a child’s perception, but I have in fact, witnessed it myself. Occasionally, I meet with her for lunch. I sit at her table, and I see the behavior that will someday lead to really overt bullying. It is distressing, and as soon as I figure out how to stop it, I will. But the sad fact of the matter is, all of the redirection in the world may be lost on children whose only modeling for appropriate behavior comes for tween television loaded with snippy comments and superior thinking.

At present her school uses a form of ‘bullying’ curriculum, and it seems as though it is something they talk about in class . I am watching to see how things progress and will keep posted as time allows.

In the mean time, I hope you will check out the website for the film The Bully, and as soon as I have opportunity to see it I will let you know!

Do you have a story? Have you seen a bully?

Image via Wikipedia

Originally posted Feb 21,2010.

This blog is just an experiment. When I witnessed bullying in my daughter’s 4-K class it upset me so much that I had to write about it. I spoke with the teacher and she is adding curriculum and we (my husband and I) are going to work on having a movie night with all of the girls in class so they can see each other outside of class. Maybe that will help. 

I certainly don’t know what the answer is but I know that bullying affects people their entire life. I can still remember most of the bullying I endured.  A kick me sign, doesn’t just earn you a kick to the hinder, but the kick leaves a little mark for good.

Does a person move past it? Of course, most people do, but there are still memories and sometimes social situations are hard.

We all know that some children aren’t able to handle it well. They don’t have support at home. Some handle it in extreme ways such as school shooting, some develop eating disorders of varying levels, some turn to drugs, promiscuity, some retreat and isolate entirely.

What can we do to stop this behavior at an early age, so children learn how hurtful it is.  Many, many people experience a bully in their lives, some one time, others repeatedly.

Do you know of a child who has been bullied? How old are they? Have you done anything to stop it? Has your child been a bully?  Were you bullied? Were you a bully?

Please share your stories here. You may do it anonymously.  My hope is that through honest dialogue and starting early we can figure out how to help our children be nicer to each other.

Life is hard enough without having to worry about if you are going to get picked on, or verbally abused (sometimes physically) at school.

The Bully- A Film

Cover of Lilly's Purple Plastic Purse

The world is a very small place, it seems.  While attending the theater with my daughter and dear friend, Amy (actress extraordinaire with the exciting theater life I am just a little bit jealous of), I learn that one of the boys in the play is cast in the lead of Amy’s friend Matthew’s new film.

That is exciting! Amy’s friend Matthew is an actor, teacher, writer and director in the wonderful world of theater and film. He has won the Jury Award and was selected for the 2009 Milwaukee Short film Festival. Not to mention being incredibly nice and living the life of theatric intrigue along with Amy. ( I am just a little bit jealous.) (I already mentioned that didn’t I?).

While talking about Matthew, Amy mentions his new film again and the topic is, get this… Bullying.

I do not believe it. Small world. My friends who live the life of theatric intrigue are making a film about bullying, all the while I am experiencing bullying firsthand.  Well I am not, my daughter is.

And I have. I experienced bullying my whole childhood. From the minute I began school it seems.  Kindergarten, there was this lovely girl in my class, and I will never forget her name, even though I won’t mention it here.  She wasn’t really lovely either, in fact she kind of had a nose that was a little unpleasant. And she had freckles just like me.  But for some reason this girl found it in her heart to pick on me.

“Peggy the purple pig” she called me. Nice. I couldn’t understand what I had done. Why was she so mean to me ? What was wrong with me that no one had told me?  Was something wrong with my clothes? What did I do? I still can’t figure it out.

That is in part why I write this blog. Why is so important for me, that my daughter never participate in that behavior.

Oddly, the play we went to see today was Lilly’s Purple Plastic Purse. And there was bullying in the play. It was a good example for my daughter to see. To see a little girl stand up to other kids, big kids, because it is just not right to hurt people in that way.

The kids even said, names only hurt if you let them, right?  How do you not let them hurt?  Bullying wouldn’t be such a big deal if we could teach all of the little kids that words don’t hurt.  And it is not their fault. I think all kids experience bullying sooner or later, but there are always a few kids, that get stuck with it for a long time.

I talked to my daughter’s teacher and she said she had noticed the behavior.  She said she was adding in some curriculum.

I will write what we experience here, in hopes that as a community, as parents, as observers we find a way to teach our children it is just not ok.

In the mean time check out Matthew Konkel’s short film page on Facebook. It is an independent film so donate to support this excellent cause.  It is an important message.   I still can’t believe how timely it is in our lives.  Thanks Matthew!  (of course living the life of theatric intrigue and movie producing he probably won’t see this) Still, Bravo, I thank you, and lots of kids who have been or will be bullied thank you!

http://www.facebook.com/pages/The-Bully/193149142872?v=wall#!/pages/The-Bully/193149142872?v=info